I should remember it because it's so different. To the best of my knowledge, it's the only piece I've done with color in it, the only one ever. I don't know why I'd even agree to doing it, based on that alone. It's not my style."
"You didn't ask?"
I shook my head. "I was too blindsided by what a fucking dick I’d been. I'm not usually that mean, you know? I'm an angry motherfucker, but I'm not mean. Not like that."
"Hm ..." Dr. Travetti wrote on her clipboard and I didn't get a chance to question what she was scribbling before she said, "Go on."
"Anyway, uh ... I've had a hard time getting this tattoo out of my head, and when I'm not thinking about it, it's following me. I mean, it's the craziest shit."
She lifted her head, tipped her chin, and asked, "What do you mean, it's following you?"
"Well, uh ... I saw her—Audrey—at the poetry club on Saturday."
"You saw her? Have you ever seen her there?"
I shook my head affirmatively. I would have noticed her before. "Nope."
"Interesting. Did you speak to her?"
"No." My response was too rushed, too brash, and Dr. Travetti tilted her head with question.
"But you wanted to."
"What? I didn't say that. Why do you always—"
Her head tipped in the other direction as a small smile stretched across her face. "Can you do me a favor, Blake?"
"What?"
"I'd like you to not get defensive for one session, and because this is a shorter one, I'd like you to try that today. Can you do that?"
I sighed and slumped into the chair. "Fine. I'll do my best to make you proud."
Her laugh was sniffed and quiet. "Thank you. Now, why didn't you talk to her?"
I shrugged as if I didn't know, but still I said, "Because what's the point?"
"The point is to make a human connection, and we've already established that you crave affection."
"And we've already established why that can't happen. There is literally no room in my life for that shit. And in any case, I didn't talk to her, so whatever. It's done."
"Okay," she concluded with a stiff nod. "So, why are you here then, if this happened on Saturday?"
I cut my fingers through my dark mass of hair. "Because on Monday, the editor for ModInk walked into the shop, and he wants to interview me."
Dr. Travetti cocked her head like a curious dog, and I explained why exactly that was an enormous deal. With wide, hopeful eyes, she said, "That's amazing, Blake! What an incredible opportunity."
"Yeah, it is. Except I have to turn him down. I know what would happen the second he puts my shit in that magazine, or hell, even on his social media. Business would pick up, and as much as the shop itself could use it, they wouldn't be coming for Gus, Celia, Kara, or Matt. They'd want me, which means longer hours, more work. I'd have to work weekends, and I need my weekends, Doc. I need ... I need my time, you know? So," I finished with a rueful sigh and a shrug, "I gotta decline."
"Sounds like you've made up your mind."
I nodded, unable to meet her eye. "Yeah. I'm doing his tat today, and I'll break the news to him."
"So, what do you need me for?"
I fidgeted with the zipper on my jacket, pulling it up and listening to the hum of metal clicking against metal. "I need you ..." The words caught in my throat and they died in a whisper.
"You ... need me?" The question was accusatory. Dr. Travetti pressed a hand to her chest, and I hurried to patch up the insinuation.
Clearing my throat, I said, "I need you to tell me I'm doing the right thing."
Sympathy wiped away her startled expression. Her eyes softened and her fingers clenched her pen. "You know I can't do that, Blake. I can help you find the answer, but I can't tell you what the answer is."
"But isn't that your job?"
Her smile was small and regretful. "It's not. But I can tell you, if you're questioning yourself this much, you might want to reconsider. Your intuition is telling you something and maybe you should be listening."
I scrubbed a hand over my face and raked my fingers through my hair. "You know, this wouldn't be such a fucking problem if it wasn't for that goddamn tattoo."
She cocked her head. "Why do you say that?" she asked, and I told her about how Shane had found out about me in the