giving me no chance at not seeing the outcome. “That’s why.”
I smile.
And just like that, things change.
One moment changes everything forever again.
Surviving Regret…
June 3, 2014
It’s five-thirty in the morning. I’m sitting here in the hospital room while Macy finally gets some sleep. As the sky starts turning from darkness to light, I’m thinking that another day is beginning, a day that will change the rest of my life, again. My daughter will be arriving in a matter of hours. My daughter. It’s still so surreal.
I can’t believe the time has come already. I feel like I blinked and the last few months have flown by. Turning my head I watch the monitor tracking my daughter’s heartbeat. It’s strong just like her momma’s. Macy is going to be an amazing mom to her. I know she’s nervous about what the future holds for us but together we’ll make it work. We’ve been through so much in our lives and we’ll get through this as well. Since going to Cannon Beach when Alexa overdosed last year, things have been good, really good. I’ve been attending the drug and alcohol classes that I started in January. I’m even seeing a psychologist to help me work through the guilt of Steven’s death. It’s all helping, helping a lot. I think in some way, deep down inside I’ll always feel that guilt but at least I have come to peace with it now. Macy even encouraged me to go and speak at our old high school about drug awareness in April. I really felt like a loser looking at all those kids in the auditorium. Here I was, Landon Hayes, attending one of the division one football leagues and I just about threw it away like it meant nothing, nothing at all. It was a real eye opener, that’s for sure.
My dad called me a few nights ago to let me know I won my appeal and I can play football again next year. He warned me that I’ll be watched like a hawk eye so there is no screwing up this time. They won’t find any issues with me, not this year. My life is depending on this year, my senior year. I need to make it in the draft. It’s how I plan on supporting my family but if it doesn’t work out I always have my backup degree of working as a physical trainer.
After telling our parents about Macy’s pregnancy both sets of parents were deeply worried. They were afraid that our relationship wasn’t going to work because of all the hurt we’ve caused each other. Macy’s mom was worried her daughter would be a single mother who wouldn’t finish college because she needed to care for her child. I didn’t blame them for thinking that in the least. After all it was my fault, I caused Macy most of her pain, if not all of it. But I was set on proving them wrong. So I did what needed to be done first and foremost, I tapped into my savings account and got us an apartment just off campus. Neither of us could stand the fact that we couldn’t sleep without the other. Plus, I needed to be there for Macy and my unborn child growing in her belly. It was time I stepped up to the plate.
I told Macy what I was doing but she refused to let me pay for everything on my own. She claims it wasn’t fair and refused to move in with me unless we did it together. She doesn’t realize that she is only pays a quarter of what we pay for rent. I hate the fact that she’s even paying that but it’s what she wants to do, and to keep her happy I let her.
Macy stirs in bed, her face scrunching up in discomfort. She was given an epidural just a few hours ago but she still feels some of the pain from the contractions.
Her eyes open, she glances around until our eyes connect. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
Macy nods. “Yeah.”
“Try to go back to sleep. You were only asleep for a half hour.”
She groans. “That’s it?”
I chuckle, “That’s it.”
“Come closer, I can’t sleep with you all the way over there.”
I get up from my seat and drag my chair over next to her bed. I lean forward in the chair and rest my head on her leg, her round belly touching the back of my head.
Macy runs her hand through my hair. “I’m scared.”
“I know,