around his ankles he leaned back down and cupped my face in his hands. “Are you sure this is what you want? We don’t have to do this, you know this already. I’m not in a hurry.”
I nodded because if I opened my mouth he would’ve heard the nervousness within me and he would have stopped whether I wanted him to or not.
“You’re sure?” he asked again.
He needed to hear the words. He wanted me to say them so there was no doubt.
I begged for my voice to come out with the confidence I needed. “Yes.”
Landon sat up and dug around behind him. He pulled his wallet out and dug out a condom then tossed the wallet on the ground.
I watched as he started to slide it on. He felt my eyes on him. I wanted to roll it on but I didn’t know how to ask. Landon being Landon and knowing me so well reached for my hand. Together we put it on. He helped me to guide it to where he just had the condom rolled over the head of his dick.
“I’m not gonna lie, Macy.” Landon breathed deeply. “It’s going to hurt.”
I nodded but knew he couldn’t see me. “I know.” That time you could hear how nervous I truly was.
Landon was right, it hurt like hell but as he whispered how much he loved me and how beautiful I was in my ear with each thrust seemed to make it not hurt as much. Tears spilled but I didn’t want him to stop. He didn’t last very long and I was thankful for that because I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of the pain. Toward the end it felt good but not that good to beg him to keep going like Madison said I would.
When it was over Landon held me close and kissed away my tears.
“My shining star,” Landon whispered.
“What?”
“You’re my shining star.”
I sighed and buried my face into his neck. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. Madison told me that you bleed after your first time and that was all I could think about. I began to freak out thinking he was going to freak out. I was a hot fucking mess.
“What’s wrong? Does it hurt that much?” Landon asked.
“I, uh…” How do I tell him this? “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Landon chuckled easing my discomfort or at least that was what I thought he was doing. Maybe he had no idea the after sex part of the whole awkward situation. “Come on.” He leaned to the side and rolled off the hammock.
He pulled up his boxers first and I cringed. I wanted to tell him to stop because of the blood but I didn’t. I was too embarrassed. After he pulled his jeans up he held a hand out for me. I took it and rolled off the hammock. I had no idea where any of my clothes were. Landon leaned down for his shirt. I sighed in relief that I didn’t have to fumble around in the dark naked to make it back to the house. After he pulled it down over my head we walked hand-in-hand into the house. No one was up or they were at least in bed.
I let go of Landon’s hand when we reached the bathroom. “I’ll be right out.”
I stepped into the bathroom and tried to shut the door but Landon stopped it. I looked up at him and the corner of his lip pulled up into a half smile. “I’ll help you.”
My eyes grew wide and my cheeks burned in embarrassment.
“We’ll take a shower together,” he offered.
It was a good idea but I was still nervous. Lord knows I shouldn’t be after what we just shared.
Landon lifted my chin, “Look at me.” And I did. “I know you’re embarrassed but you don’t need to be. It’s you and I and nothing will come between us.” He kissed me then as my heart beat wildly against my chest. “Thank you.”
My eyebrows drew in confusion, “For what?”
“For sharing that with me,” he whispered quietly.
All my fears, nervousness and awkwardness faded away after that. As Landon washed me from head to toe, he washed all those feelings away.
Alexa sighs, “Do you think things will be different next year when we’re all away at college?”
No one was really sure where we were all going to end up after we graduated high school. Steven was the first to get accepted to the University of Oregon