they’re doing. I see it all too. It hurts me to watch you living your life with your head turned away when it involves Landon.” Alexa takes a deep breath. “I blame him and Madison for that accident but what pisses me off the most is that they’re throwing their lives away. They should be…” Her tears come again. “They shouldn’t take that for granted.”
“I know,” I whisper and hug her close.
Everything she has said is true. In some ways Cash and I are taking life for granted with the way we let them walk all over us. Alexa is right when she said that I’ve been letting Landon walk all over me. I shouldn’t let him but I do anyway. If I am pregnant this changes everything for me. I won’t put my baby through this emotional rollercoaster that is Landon. Life is too precious, if only I would listen to myself.
“I think Madison wants to talk to you,” I say slipping from Alexa’s bed. “I’m going to go down and get something to drink. Do you want anything?”
She smiles and shakes her head.
“I’ll see you later.”
She nods and I see another tear slip down her beautifully pale face.
December 8, 2013
I can’t focus on anything when I wake up. Mostly because my mind is all over the place, I’m still upset with Landon and my life is a fucking wreck. Not only am I worried about Alexa but I still haven’t started my period. Damn it. Being pregnant would be the worst thing that could happen right now.
Landon has barely talked to me since leaving the hospital yesterday. Things are different after our blow up and we still have a lot more talking to do but him not saying a word really isn’t helping. I feel so alone.
As I lie here in bed, I feel like I need a friend, one who understands. I planned on going by the hospital to check on Alexa since she was getting released today but first I need to make a stop. I put on my Ducks hoodie and a pair of jeans, stop by the coffee stand on the corner and order a decaf mocha for me, and a black coffee for Cash.
I knock on the door when I get there, Julia, Cash’s step-mom, answers and smiles. She knows Cash and I are still friends. “It’s good to see you, sweetie,” she says wrapping her warm arms around me. For a while, Cash’s dad wouldn’t speak to any of us, said we were stupid and had put everyone’s life in danger. He had these grand plans that Cash would play in the NFL, and though that plan still looked that way, his dad didn’t want him having friends or distractions. He was a dick and I’m not sure what Julia sees in him because she’s super sweet.
“Is Cash around?”
“Yeah, he’s still in bed.” She points upstairs and then hears Bentley crying in the other room. I smile and take a peek since I haven’t seen Bentley in about six months. She’s already getting so big and walking by herself. When she sees her mommy, her toothless grin sends my heart fluttering. I could be having one of those soon. My hand goes to my stomach, my heart pounding, hands shaking.
“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten already,” I say, kneeling down beside her.
Bentley looks up at me and takes two wobbly steps in my direction. My eyes flood with tears. She looks identical to her big brother in a lot of ways. Same bright blue eyes and golden brown hair. Only instead of the wavy curls Cash has, Bentley looks like she stuck her little hand in a light socket. It sticks up everywhere.
Julia laughs and pats her hair. “Can’t tame it.”
I stare at Bentley, she stares at me and just as I’m near tears, she tries to take my coffee and pulls my hair.
“No, no, Bentley,” Julia says. “She just started that and we’re trying to break the habit.” Julie bends and untangles my hair from Bentley’s little fingers.
I stand and ruffle her little head, “I’m going to go visit your big brother.”
“It’s nice seeing you around here, Macy.”
It is nice being back here, away from what my life has become.
It may be weird that I’m going into Cash’s room not knowing if he may be naked in there or busy doing something else. I’m hoping he’s not either. I knock lightly on the door and hear a groan, but not