the thickest of smoke and see through the darkest of nights. I didn’t want to see right then. I wanted to be blind. Lock me in that broken down house. Make me lie on the floor. Make me cold. Make me anything but alive to feel the pain.
When I blinked, it was Macy with me and then it just as quickly faded back to Madison. I could have stopped right then and nothing would have changed. It was just a kiss. But what did I want? What did she want?
Madison gave me what I was looking for, the peace and quiet. She’d let me lie on that floor, hell she’d be lying right next to me. She didn’t ask for anything in return. Just let me take what I wanted in the moment to numb me.
Everything seemed different. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. The high and alcohol was really messing with me. I wondered if Madison felt it too. She had to of. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall.
She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her ass in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
Please don’t tell me to stop.
Don’t.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
Some rationality hit me then.
Fuck. Stop, Landon. Don’t. Think of Macy. Think of Cash.
My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget for a second. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to feel something besides the everyday feeling and I was sure this was the answer.
Madison’s body shook against me again. “Landon…” she pushed against my shoulders. I didn’t stop. Instead I pressed against her harder trying to make her see.
There was a click in the distance; my head turned as I looked over my shoulder and stepped away.
Alexa.
Fuck!
I was soaring but it quickly faded. I was burning until the ice water hit me. I was extraordinarily wrecked beyond forever. I was the blind man who crashed into everything without his walking stick. I lost the only little bit of light I had left of my shining star.
Wrecked.
Destroyed.
Shattered.
“Goddamn it!” I punched the wall and quickly pulled my pants up to go after Alexa. Madison followed behind me.
We ruined everything that was barely holding us up anymore.
Stepping out of the closet, we came face-t0-face with Alexa, Cash, and Macy. All was quiet for just a few seconds until it was so loud my ears felt like they were bleeding.
“I NEVER want to see you again, Madison!” Macy’s voice echoed through the hallway. “You’re no longer my fucking sister.”
My eyes settled on Macy’s when the severity of what we had done had set in. I’d broken her, what was left anyway. The tears streamed down her face, I did that. I put those tears in her eyes again. I thought that was the last straw with us. How much more could I break her? How many more times could I screw her life up? I looked down, my shirt was ripped and my tie was gone. My chin went to my chest, I fucked up royally, and I didn’t even have the balls to look her in the eyes. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to forget for just a little bit. I saw that just those few minutes caused me to lose my light, my star, my last hope.
I looked to Cash, he was shaking his head. He blinked and stared at me. I hated the look he gave me. I touched his girl. His. Not mine. Our friendship shifted again and not in a good way.
Madison, who was standing beside me, took a deep breath; I could feel the trembling of her body from even a foot away. “We need to talk, Macy.”
“No.” Macy snapped. “Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four