single shred of tangible evidence, either to prove that it had happened or to help unravel the mystery of who I was. All I had was that stupid dream which, to my great annoyance and even greater discomfort, decided to come back and visit me every night.
It actually became a bit of a routine. Every morning for the next three days, I woke up breathing hard, hands curling protectively over my neck in panic. Every night, I spent a little longer in that closet, fought a little harder against the man whose hands were crushing my windpipe. But I still couldn’t remember anything useful.
Holden kept to himself, and I divided my days between trying to research kidnappings on the internet—fruitless—and organizing the library—not fruitless, but an even bigger job than I’d anticipated, once Holden showed me two adjoining storerooms that were full of even more boxes of books.
Once I was sure I could eat solid food, I started cooking in the evenings. Mostly just to give myself something to do other than banging my head against the keyboard in the office. I pulled recipes from various cookbooks that I found in the library, and I always made enough for two, but so far, Daisy was the only person who’d taken advantage of my leftovers.
The strangest thing happened to me on Tuesday. I’d been going through another pile of books, just as mixed up as all the others, when I found a book on French Impressionist artists with a painting I recognized on the cover.
But I didn’t just recognize it. I could swear I’d seen it before, in real life. I had the strangest vision of myself, staring at it on a museum wall on a sunny autumn day, though how or why I remembered that, I couldn’t say. There was a woman standing next to me in the memory, but try as I might, I couldn’t see her face.
Maybe it wasn’t even real, just a snippet of a movie I’d seen sometime. But after cleaning up the dinner dishes, I decided to go back to the library and find the book again. Maybe if I knew the name of the painting, I could google it, and at least figure out what museum it hung in. I hoped that would jog something loose.
I was so focused on my quest that I was halfway across the library before I realized Holden was in there too, sitting on that old, green velvet sofa, reading something on his laptop.
“Oh.” The word came out scratchy and dry. My throat felt a lot better these days, but considering that I spent most of my time by myself, I didn’t really have much chance to practice talking. “Hi.”
Holden looked as surprised to see me as I was to see him, and slammed his laptop shut.
“What are you doing in here?” He managed to make it sound like I’d snuck up and spied on him for several minutes, instead of stumbling past him by accident.
“I was just—nevermind.”
I could get the book tomorrow. It probably wouldn’t trigger anything anyway, and I really didn’t need to stay and get yelled at by someone who apparently still hadn’t gotten over the accidental spooning incident.
“Wait.” Holden’s voice was softer, but it stopped me as surely as if he’d yelled. I turned around, hesitant. “I didn’t mean you had to go,” he continued. “I can get out of your way.”
“It’s your house.” I frowned. “And I wasn’t going to stay.”
“Yeah, but I was done here anyway.”
He picked his laptop up and started walking towards me. Well, walking toward the door, if I were being honest, but that meant he had to pass by me, and when he did, he paused. I waited for him to say something else, but then he didn’t, which made me start to feel like I had to say something.
I swallowed. “I am trying, you know.”
“I know.”
“I saw a book today. I thought maybe I could remember—I just came back to find it again. To see if it triggered something. I really am trying to figure it all out.”
“I know,” Holden repeated. Was his voice a little warmer that time? And why did he have to stare at me like that? His eyes were so large and liquid, and I felt like I was drowning in them. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a dick. I just don’t—” He broke off, changing his mind about whatever he was going to say. “Well, I’ll go.”
But I didn’t want him to. I