that I didn’t know why any of this was happening. I didn’t know anything, except my bone-deep fear of being thrown back out into the world right now.
I didn’t even realize I’d slid to the ground until my ass hit the floor. What was happening to me? I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my face in them. I felt like a freak, crying in front of a total stranger. I was losing my mind.
Or rather, I had lost it. Quite literally. And I had no idea how to get it back, or how to stop my heart from racing, or how to convey to Holden that when he’d said the words ‘on the run,’ I’d become sure that I was on the run from someone. It sounded insane, especially when I couldn’t explain why or how I knew it.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”
Holden crouched down next to me, those eyes of his so warm and kind, and I swear I felt a bolt of electricity shoot through me. He touched my arm and I forgot how to breathe for a second.
I mean, I’d forgotten everything else by that point. Why not add basic bodily functions as well?
His hand was gentle but firm as it rubbed my arm. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I shook my head, more tears leaking out of my eyes, because I wanted to explain that it wasn’t him I was scared of, it was everything else, except I’d left the damn notebook on the desk, and what if I was never able to use my voice again, and what the hell was happening?
Was I always this much of a crier, or was I just reacting to what had happened to me? There was no way to know, and that pissed me off too.
“Do you feel up to explaining what’s wrong?” Holden asked, his voice flowing into the hollow in my chest and warming me from the inside.
He held my eyes with his, and I wanted to say no, to shake my head and scream that none of this was fair or made any sense. But instead, I bit my lip and nodded.
My explanation wouldn’t make any sense, but I owed it to Holden to try, after how helpful he’d been.
“Okay.” Holden rose and crossed to the desk, then brought the notebook and pen back to me. “I’ll go get a first aid kit. I’m sure we have one around here somewhere.”
I took the pen and notebook and watched Holden walk to the door. He reinserted the doorstop before leaving.
“If Frog kicks this loose again, it is possible to open the door from the inside. You have to twist and turn really hard to the left, and kick the bottom in with your toe at the same time. It’ll probably take two hands.” He waited for me to nod, then disappeared down the hall with a murmured, “I’ll be back.”
The room felt too quiet once Holden was gone, though he hadn’t been talking all that loudly. Or maybe it just felt lonely.
Sorrow and panic rose in my belly again. I told myself to get a grip, only I wasn’t positive there were any grips to get. What could I even hold onto right now?
I felt fainter and more tired by the second, now that there was no one else in here. I wanted to collapse right there on the floor but knew that was stupid, with a bed right in front of me. My eyes went to Frog, lazing away on top of the blanket. He’d better not hack up another hairball where I wanted to sleep.
Focus on Frog, I told myself. The cat and his gross hairballs were real. And not particularly threatening. Just damp. I could handle that. I could handle this. Somehow.
I took a deep breath and began to write.
“I know this sounds insane, but I’m pretty sure I’m being chased. I don’t know why I think that, but it feels real. I know you have no reason to believe me, but you asked what was wrong, and that’s it. I have no idea who I am, or how I got here, but I am sure there are people after me, and I know that sounds paranoid and probably like you should call the nearest mental institution, but if you could just give me a few days to stay here and figure things out, I swear, I’ll leave as soon as I feel steadier on my feet. I promise I’m not trying