today. He said it’s fine.”
“Aren’t you worried about Christine?” I ask, naming my old arch-nemesis from work.
He chuckles. “No. Patrick would never promote Christine to assistant manager.”
“Where do you want to go?” I finally ask because I don’t know where else to take this conversation.
“A place where we can take an adventure. New Orleans, maybe.” He shrugs.
I don’t want to go on an adventure. If I was choosing a honeymoon destination, I’d want the beach. I’d want spa appointments and massages and relaxation...not adventure.
“Or maybe somewhere like North Carolina. I was just reading about these horseback tours through the forest that sound incredible.”
I nod. “Sounds nice,” I say.
He scoots over toward my side of the couch, and he leans in and kisses my neck. Usually that’s the place that revs up my engine...but today, I feel no revving whatsoever.
Because he’s not Tyler.
“I’ll miss you while you’re on your trip,” he whispers against my neck. “I’ve been missing you for the last couple weeks.”
He wants sex, obviously. And he should get that from his wife.
I know he loves me. I love him, too. But the longer we’re married, the more I see that it’s a great friendship on both sides...not the deep sort of love that should align with ‘til death do us part.
But as I stare straight ahead at the movie, trying to find a way out of this, I realize I can’t do this with him. Not tonight, and maybe not ever again.
Because if I do...I’ll only feel like I’m cheating on two men.
I don’t give into his advances, but I also don’t say anything. I just keep my eyes trained ahead as I try to form words. But I don’t need to. He takes my non-action as a rejection.
He tries with one last kiss to my neck, and then he sighs with frustration as he moves back to his end of the couch. “Is this because of him?” He spits out the last word without saying his name, but we both know who he’s talking about.
My heart races at his question.
He already knows I have feelings for him. I haven’t hidden that fact from him, and I won’t. I haven’t been honest about much, but I haven’t lied about that, at least. Maybe there’s some kind of redemption in that.
“I’ve always had feelings for him,” I murmur. “You know that.”
“Don’t go to California,” he says—or rather, he begs. “You were just there a couple weeks ago.”
“I’m taking Luna to see her grandparents,” I say. “We’re bored just sitting here at home. You know how Luna loves the beach. I still think we should move there and be closer to my family.”
He gives me an oh come on kind of look, but it’s not the first time I’ve expressed similar sentiments. The only thing holding me here was my job, and now I don’t have that. I’d love for Luna to be closer to my parents, and my sister, and my niece.
But I also know Ford would never move. Not now that he has the job that was the dream job for us both.
“I wish you’d cancel the trip.” He folds his arms across his chest.
“I understand that, but my parents are looking forward to seeing her.” I swirl the wine left in my glass around and stare at the little funnel it makes. “We have plans with Diana and Gracie. I can’t just cancel because you don’t want me to go.”
“Then don’t see him while you’re there. Don’t tell him.”
I give him a guilty look because I can’t make that promise. The temptation will be too great—not just personally, but also because of Luna. I need to tell Tyler about her. I need to find the strength to tell the truth because he deserves to know he has a daughter. “You know I need to tell him. We both know it’s the right thing to do.”
He blows out another frustrated sigh, and I see the anger and the sadness rolling together in the way his shoulders hunch up as he stands. “Do what you want,” he says, his tone clipped, and then he stalks out of the room.
He just ends the conversation there. He said his words in frustration, and it’s easy to see why. I rejected his advances tonight—his last-ditch effort at saving something that never should have started in the first place, a marriage that’s been half-hearted from both of us lately, and he’s already bracing for what he knows is coming...what we both know is