I’d have someone on my side to act as a buffer. Instead, I have no idea what I’m walking into as it’s finally time to face the wrath of the person I decked in the jaw yesterday.
When I walk in, Brett’s lying across the couch. Some movie’s playing on the television, but he’s completely zoned out. He sort of looks how I feel...like a zombie.
“Where’s Tommy?” I ask.
“Sleeping,” he says, rubbing his eyes as he sits up and stretches. “How was Wisconsin?”
I shrug. “I got to see her.”
“And?”
“She’s married now.”
Brett’s face falls a little, and I guess it’s nice to have that sympathy. “I heard. I’m sorry bro.”
I lift a shoulder. “She met me for coffee and there’s still something there. She may be married, but I get the sense that all this is long from over.”
His brows push together. “Whatever, man. If she’s got a ring, you ain’t burying your thing.”
“I won’t actively pursue a married woman, but if she comes knocking, my bed will be rocking.”
He laughs and shakes his head, and that’s the extent of my deep conversation with my buddy. “Want some pizza?”
“Sure.”
“Then order one and I’ll split with you.”
I laugh, and then I place the order for an extra-large pepperoni—Tommy’s favorite. It’s my own attempt at a peace offering, and just my luck, he saunters down the steps right after the food arrives.
He takes pause on the stairs when he spots me, and I nod to the pizza. “Pepperoni,” I say.
He looks at me warily.
“I’m sorry I punched you.”
He rubs at his jaw. “You’ve got a hell of a punch for someone who’s such a pussy.”
“I deserve that. I shouldn’t have hit you, and I shouldn’t have run out like a coward.”
He moves toward me, and I try to act tough like I’m not a little afraid he’s after some retaliation, but it’s clear that Dustin got to him.
“I’m sorry about what you found in Wisconsin, man.” He claps me on the back. “I know you were hoping for a different outcome, and for what it’s worth, we’re all here to help you move forward. To get our old Tyler back.”
“I’ve always been here.” I grab a slice of pizza and don’t bother with something as useless as a plate. “We’ve all just been going through some things, and my trip to Wisconsin doesn’t change any of that.” I leave out the fact that it doesn’t change Tommy whoring us out, and it doesn’t change the things I don’t agree with. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to go back into the studio in under a week and it doesn’t give me my energy or enthusiasm for what we’re doing back.
But it has managed to change my attitude. Not much...but a little. It’s given me at least one answer even though it brought up a thousand more questions.
It confirmed for me that it wasn’t all just a dream. Those feelings were real, and if we’d been in the right place at the right time, we might’ve been able to cultivate it. But life, or my career, or Tommy, or whatever took that away from us. We’re in different places now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fight to get it back.
“You just need to get laid,” Tommy says around the mouthful of food he’s chewing.
He’s probably not wrong about that. It’s been a few weeks since my last encounter with some girl in Rome. She didn’t speak much English, but she knew every word to every one of our songs and moaning is sort of a universal language anyway, am I right?
“That’s your answer to everything,” I say.
“Because it solves just about every problem. Release some endorphins, man. Get that oxytocin out and let in the bliss.”
I laugh, but he keeps going.
“I’m serious, bro. Studies show that releasing oxytocin, which happens when you’re having sex, helps fend off depression. That’s why you’ll never find me depressed—because I have a lot of sex. So get yourself laid, relax a little, and then we can get back to what’s important.”
I know he means music, but I’m at this strange crossroads in my life where I’m not entirely sure that music actually is the most important thing anymore. Not if it’s the thing that came between Dani and me.
“All right,” I say, taking a bite of my pizza. “I’ll have some sex.”
I don’t really need to think this through. On the one hand, I owe a debt to Tommy. Agreeing to whatever he says for