a lot of our first fight and the whole reason we’re not together now. I tell him that. “There was a reason things ended between us in the first place.”
“Remind me what that was? Because I’m still in the dark.”
I pace in front of the couch. “Are you serious?” I ask. “You’re in the dark about the fact that you hurt me? You didn’t fight fair, and I was scared I’d never see you. And you know what?” I jab a finger to my own chest for emphasis. “I was right. You were in that house for a month, and then you left for Europe for two years. You think we would’ve made it through all that scot-free?” I’m yelling at him by the time I’m done, but I came this far, and maybe it’s time we finally hashed this all out. Maybe that’ll give me the closure I’m obviously so desperately seeking.
Or, and this is the more likely scenario, it’ll do the opposite. It’ll show me that Tyler was the one I was always supposed to be with...just as I’ve suspected since the moment I took a test only to discover we’d created a life together.
He narrows his eyes at me. “I think you gave up before we had the chance to find out.”
I nod. “You’re right. I absolutely did.” Because there was a baby to think about. It wasn’t just about him and me.
The confession is on the tip of my tongue, but Ford flashes through my mind.
I made promises to him. Our life is good. It’s stable. Is it fire and passion and lust? No. But that stuff fades.
Doesn’t it?
It hasn’t diminished a single ounce since the last time I saw Tyler...but, in a sense, we’re picking up where we left off. That’s different than growing and nurturing something together, as I’ve done with my husband.
“And then I met Ford, and I got married.” I leave out the whole we fell in love nonsense. I’m not even sure if that’s true anymore. I love Ford, of course. He’s a good husband, a great father, a solid provider. But I don’t remember falling in love with him. Not the way I remember falling in love with the man sitting across from me as we had sex one night a decade after we first met and then started getting to know who we were as adults on a different level through our daily phone calls.
I sigh. “This was another mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”
He purses his lips in thought for a beat, and then he shrugs. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have. You know how I feel about you. You know what you mean to me. But the same can’t be said in reverse, and if you’re just going to drop by without notice, give me hope, and then tell me it was a mistake, you probably shouldn’t bother next time.”
Why do his harsh, candid words make me want to kiss his face again?
Shouldn’t they have the opposite effect? Shouldn’t they make me hate him, or, at the very least, want to hit him? Okay, to be fair, I sort of want to hit him. What I feel for him...it’s explosive. It’s every conflicting emotion, but want and need mixed with love seem to dominate all the others.
I shouldn’t have kissed him, and it’s true...I shouldn’t have come here today. But I did, and now I need to be honest with Ford.
I stand and turn for the door. “Thanks for making it easy to leave.”
I walk away, through the house, and out to my parents’ car where I parked it on the street before I came here tonight.
It’s time to go back to the house where I grew up, where my daughter sleeps in the crib next to the twin mattress in my childhood bedroom. It’s time to face what I’ve done and try to figure out what I’m supposed to do from here.
Because I can’t keep seeing Tyler. Not if I’m planning to keep the truth from him.
CHAPTER 18
DANIELLE
I speed all the way back to my parents’ house.
It’s not the smartest move, but I need to get back there if only to find a way to placate some of the new layer of guilt I’ve brought on myself. I told them I was seeing an old friend, so at least I didn’t lie about that. They didn’t mind my leaving. Luna was already asleep and they didn’t have plans to go anywhere anyway.
I focus on Luna the whole ride,