you up to tonight?
Tyler: Texting you.
Me: [laughing emoji]
It’s only six where he is, and I’m sure he has something other than sitting around texting me planned for the night.
Tyler: We have a private show tonight.
Me: What’s that like?
Tyler: We play a handful of songs, smile for pics, and head home.
Me: Are you excited?
Tyler: No. [shrug emoji]
Me: How come?
Tyler: I love playing, don’t get me wrong, but tonight I just want to play and bolt.
Me: Why?
Tyler: So I can get back to texting you.
He’s doing it again...making me blush across the miles. A buzz tingles up my spine at his flirting.
Me: Ha ha. Okay, but really why?
Tyler: That’s really why. What I do for a living just always seems to get in the way of you and me.
I read over his words a few times before I reply. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I guess I’ve felt that way since we ran into each other in Milwaukee. But it doesn’t matter. His career is everything to him, and the things he’s achieved are incredible. He’s become a freaking icon in the music industry, and I’m beyond proud and impressed with his work ethic and his success.
Me: Do you really feel that way?
Tyler: Yes.
Me: Don’t. It’s not your career that got in our way.
Tyler: Then what was it?
My heart breaks that he’s blaming what happened between us on his career. I get why he feels that way, and I guess to some degree I do, too. But he’s not enjoying the things he should be because of what happened between us, and that’s no way for him to live.
I guess I’m not enjoying life in general right now, either...unless I’m texting with Tyler.
God, this is all so complicated.
Me: Us. Me + You. Our decisions and the way we handled things.
Tyler: But if I was a server at Carne’s, none of this would be an issue.
Me: That’s now how our cards played out, though. Look at everything you’ve achieved.
Tyler: I’m not sure what it all means without you.
His words claw at my heart. He can’t find meaning in his success, and I married some stranger who took my success from me.
Luna cries out while I debate how to reply to that, and I give her a minute to calm down before I run in there. I check her on the monitor, and I watch as she turns over and falls back asleep.
He replies before I can.
Tyler: Speaking of my career coming between us, I need to go. Band shit before our show.
Me: Good luck tonight.
I debate adding a kiss emoji, or at the very least, an XOXO, but I refrain. We’re not there yet. It’s not appropriate. Even this conversation is probably inappropriate.
Tyler: Thanks. [smile emoji]
And that’s it...for tonight, anyway.
I decide to lose myself in more wine and hot trash television.
The next day feels pretty much the same as every day for me, except it’s not a concert night at the arena so Ford is home by five. That means I miss out on texting with Tyler and I’m forced to play the role I’ve been playing for nearly two years now. The days bleed monotonously into one another, and then I find myself alone on a Thursday night after I get Luna down.
Me: What are a rock star’s plans on a Thursday night?
Luna’s still moving around when I send the text. She usually takes about ten minutes to fall asleep once I lay her in her crib, but tonight I don’t have the patience to wait for her to fall asleep. I don’t have the patience to fold laundry or do dishes or otherwise pretend like I haven’t been looking forward to this very moment for days. I finally have the freedom to sit down and text a conversation with him, and somehow that’s become the best part of my days. The best part of this Midwestern housewife’s existence, the most exciting part of this stay at home mom’s life.
Tyler: Texting a hot Wisconsin babe who should be in California with me.
He just goes right for the flirting tonight, and I can’t help my wide smile.
Me: Oh? You got some hot chick in WI?
Tyler: Yeah. You.
My smile shifts to a soft chuckle.
Me: What are you really doing (aside from waiting for me to text)?
Tyler: Looking at the moon on my patio. Watching your favorite channel.
Me: [eyeroll emoji] [sleeping emoji]
Tyler: [laughing emoji]
Tyler: Put it on.
Me: The history channel?
Tyler: Yes. It’s an American Pickers Marathon all day.
Me: WTF is American Pickers?
I sigh