of the rice falls onto the tray.
Sam leans forward, pecking at the center of the sushi with this beak. His little wings stretch out for balance. It’s adorable.
After he’s done pecking at it, I put the rest in my mouth. His beak nods in approval as if to say, “the fish-sharing has been accomplished.” He looks so formal like this. I grab the tray, and set it back on the nightstand.
It isn’t long before we fall asleep.
15
Sam
The next morning I wake before Lu. He’s lying on his back, clutching me to his chest. I twist in his embrace to see his bear form in the morning light. His lovely white fur makes him look like a big, puffy cloud.
He’s thinner than I expected a polar bear would be, with a long, slender neck and a narrow snout. But he’s still a bear, with massive paws and a body at least eight times the size of my penguin form.
Lu always seems like a scared wild bird, but he’s not a bird at all. He’s big and powerful.
He opens his big, black eyes. For a moment, he just lies there, staring back at me, then he swipes his wet, warm tongue on my head. He sniffs at me experimentally, before exhaling with what I can only assume is satisfaction.
He’s so much calmer in his bear form. I wish I could stay with him and simply laze the morning away. But Mary is sleeping in the next room, and she’s eventually going to wake up.
Reluctantly, I shift back into my human form and sit up in the bed. Lu lifts one of his paws and places it on my heart. He doesn’t have to say a word. I know exactly what he means.
This isn’t right. We’re supposed to spend our lives together, not keep our bond a secret.
I thread my fingers through his fur. Yesterday I was so excited to be able to be with Lu at all and so nervous that I might not be enough for him, that it didn’t occur to me how difficult this would be. We won’t be able to spend the night together for another week. That seems so far away right now.
And this isn’t temporary. If everything goes according to plan, we’ll have to do this for fifteen more years.
I disentangle my hand and roll out of bed. This was what I signed up for when I brought Lu my pebble. I knew we couldn’t be open about our relationship, and I was honest with him about what I could offer.
Why do I feel like a jerk for leaving?
Lu shrinks back to his human form. He watches me yank on my clothing with a sadness in his eyes. “Maybe you could bring the kids over for brunch. I could make pancakes.” He says it quietly, like he doesn’t expect me to say yes. He’s afraid to hope I’ll want to have breakfast with him.
I sit down next to him and slide my hand along his jaw. “I want to, baby. I do. But Jesse and I have an appointment with a few party venues this morning. Their gender reveal party is in only two months, and we haven’t picked a place yet.”
I remember when I went venue shopping with my alpha father. He took me out to lunch, just the two of us, and made the day special. Back then, I wanted nothing more than to be exactly like him when I grew up.
As much as I want to have breakfast with Lu, I need to be a good dad to Jesse too. Today needs to be special.
“I understand.” His eyes light up. “Maybe dinner? We have that food you brought. I could cook for you. As your mate.”
“We always have dinner with Allen’s mothers on Sunday night.”
Lu nods and looks away from me.
“I’m sorry. I wish things could be different.”
“It’s fine,” he mutters.
But it isn’t fine. I need to make some changes to make more space for Lu in my life.
“Let’s Skype together tonight. How about eight o’clock? After Mary goes to bed? We could… sext. Or whatever it’s called.”
Lu smiles. “That’s when you talk about sex over text message. If we do it over Skype, it’s something different.”
“We can do it over text if you like. I just… would love to see you.”
He leans in and kisses my cheek. “Alright. You have fun with Jesse. We can chat again tonight.”
“Eight o’clock it is. You said you had more of…” I gesture to the ruined