children get the silverware. Lu dishes everyone up, including generous servings for me. A swell of affection for Lu rises in my chest, even though I have no right to feel that way toward him. Is Allen looking down on me right now? Can he see the way I’m betraying him by noticing how beautiful Lu is? By watching the way our children gravitate toward this man, even though he isn’t their omega father?
It’s good that this is the last time we’ll see each other. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend that I don’t feel something for him.
There are only four chairs, so Mary sits in Lu’s lap and Morgan shares a chair with Parker. Mary’s booster seat sits on the floor next to their chair.
“What do you say to Lu for making us this meal?” I ask them.
“Thank you!” they chorus.
Lu smiles at them. “You are very welcome. I love how polite all of you are. And thank you, Jesse, for watching Mary. You’re so good with her.”
Jesse beams from Lu’s praise. They’re wearing their favorite outfit today—a pair of tight jeans and a sweatshirt with Pusheen on it. They even took a shower, which has been alarmingly rare lately. Jesse’s attachment to Lu is one of the reasons I keep having these meetings at Lu’s house, despite my attraction to him.
In just a few months, Jesse will start using their adult name—a male name. We’re supposed to be planning a gender reveal party where they’ll tell the world both their primary and secondary gender. But Jesse won’t plan with me. I don’t know what to do. If only Allen were here, maybe he could help Jesse deal with the changes that are coming.
Morgan and Parker dig into the meal Lu made them with gusto. Lu feeds his daughter small bites and slowly eats himself. “How is the party planning going?” he asks Jesse.
Widowers in other cultures sometimes choose a second mate. In this moment, I can understand why. It would be nice to share the challenges of parenting with someone else. It would be nice for my children to have a second parent to rely on.
And it would be nice to hold fragile Lu in my arms and calm his nervous spirit. It would be nice to kiss him, and…
There are a lot of things that would be nice.
I close my eyes for a moment and beg Allen for forgiveness.
“Dad, can Lu come to my gender reveal party?” Jesse asks.
Lu’s entire body tenses. I hate the way he often looks like he’s going to bolt. I resist the urge to place my hand on top of his to calm him.
“Sure,” I say, before I can think it through.
Jesse’s face lights up. “Really? He can? Thank you, Dad.”
“Well, you’ll have to ask if Lu is available. He may have plans that day.”
Jesse turns to Lu. “Do you want to come to my gender reveal party on April 13th? There’s cake and dancing. You’re probably a good dancer, right Lu?”
“I’d love to be there. If your father doesn’t mind.”
“Maybe Lu could come to the park this weekend too,” Jesse suggests. “We go to the park every week for a picnic. Even when it’s cold. The park is right next to the cemetery where our omega dad is buried. It’s really pretty there. We bring flowers so he can know that we’re thinking of him.”
Lu’s body tenses again. “Thank you, Jesse. But I’m sure your father wouldn’t want me to come.”
Jesse looks at me and waits.
“Lu is my business partner, Jess. And after today, our business together is over. It’s fine if he comes to your party, but after that, we need to go our separate ways.”
Lu scoots his chair back and stands up, placing Mary on the chair by herself. I can’t tell if he’s upset or simply needs to do something. “I made brownies for you.” His fingers tremble as he opens a cabinet and takes a plate of brownies out. “I’m sorry about lunch. You were right. I shouldn’t have asked you to eat here,” Lu says. He hurries to the other side of the kitchen to get out the Saran wrap. “It was my mistake. I should have just sent you the illustrations via the mail. I’m sorry.”
He pulls out a strip of Saran wrap and starts putting brownies on it with lightning speed. Without thinking I stand and walk over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at me