for a huddle. Morgan gets the hint, and joins the huddle on the other side of Jesse. I waddle to the center of the huddle, and all of my children tuck their beaks into my feathers.
Jesse cheeps contentedly. I cuddled with them like this a lot when Allen first died. The intimacy of a family huddle is normally reserved for holidays and times of mourning. But mourning is only supposed to last for a year.
It’s such a strange rule. I still miss Allen every day.
I’m not sure how much longer I can be the kind of man I’m expected to be. I’m not allowed to grieve anymore, but I’m not allowed to move on either. It’s like I’ve sent my heart to the Eternal Ice with Allen before the rest of my body, and I’m just supposed to live without it.
As I cuddle close to my children, Allen’s words echo in my head. “If I don’t need my kidney or my heart anymore, it’d be nice if someone else could use them.”
What about my heart? If he isn’t going to use it, would he mind me giving it to someone else for a while?
What if I already have?
11
Lu
Once we have our tea, we move the conversation to the couch. Cy asks to see pictures of Mary, and I show him all of the new photos I have stored on my phone. Every time he comes over, we always talk about her, Axe, or the jewelry shop.
“How is your mother doing?” I ask. He mentioned her once a long time ago. I know she’s a companion on the Slope, but I don’t know much else about her.
He considers me for a moment, then pulls out his phone and shows me a photo of an older omega woman with his same pale eyes and strong jaw. She’s holding up a big, white handkerchief that’s been intricately embroidered with flowers of white thread.
“That’s the gift her alpha bought her for the Winter Solstice. Handkerchiefs are a big deal on the Slope. The ragers aren’t allowed to have official mates. But if their hired companion becomes special to them, they buy matching handkerchiefs to wrap around their right arms in the place of a metal band.”
That’s very romantic. I wonder if Axe will ever buy a handkerchief for anyone. He won’t even take a companion at this point.
“It’s beautiful,” I say.
“Yeah. It is. I’m happy for her.”
There’s another knock on the door. I glance down at the clock on Cy’s phone. It’s almost nine. Who could it be?
Cy sets his tea down on the coffee table and heads for the door, opening it wide.
Sam stands on the porch with a bouquet of small blue flowers. My heart drops down to my stomach. What is he doing here?
Sam flushes when he sees Cy in his wide-shouldered jacket that makes it difficult to know if he’s an alpha or omega. Before Sam gets the wrong idea, I jump up and give him a nervous smile. “Hi, Sam. This is my friend, Cy. Cy, this is my business colleague, Sam.”
Cy’s eyes dart back and forth between us, before settling on the bouquet in Sam’s hand.
I grab the flowers. “Thank you. These will help me get that illustration the publisher wanted me to repaint right. They’re the perfect color.” The last thing I need is for Cy to guess that there’s something going on between Sam and me.
“Uh, right. But I actually need to discuss something with you. I mean, if this is a good time. It’s about… the book,” Sam says, playing along.
Cy slips off his jacket before stepping outside, exposing the scars on his arms. Heaven forbid that he should interact with anyone without trying to intimidate them. I stop myself from rolling my eyes.
“It was nice talking to you, Lu. I’m right next door if you need anything.” That comment wasn’t for me. I know where he lives. It was for Sam.
Cy’s just as bad as my brother.
Sam watches Cy walk away with his arms bare, even though it’s late at night in the heart of winter.
“What are those scars? Did he—”
I sigh. “No. When a polar bear shifter omega is… satisfied with the sex during their heat, they claw their partner. Cy has… satisfied a lot of omegas.”
Sam’s eyes widen. “There must be at least twenty scars.”
“On his arms. He has scars all over his body.”
Sam’s eyes return to me. “Does that mean he… did the two of you… Not that it’s any of