conversation with someone and then later on they’ve said, ‘Oh, I wish I said so-and-so. Or I regret not having let them know how I feel. Or I regret saying something that hurt their feelings.’ Because you know what? Regret doesn’t change the fact that something didn’t happen. You can’t go back. There’s no time machine in life, no matter what Hollywood wants us to believe. You live in the moment, you live in the here and the now, and you have to make decisions in the here and the now that you think are true to what you want. Don’t let anything hold you back. Don’t let fear hold you back. Don’t let shock hold you back.”
“You speak the truth, Sarah. You’re really thoughtful for sitting here on the phone talking to me like this. I know it’s late.”
“Girl, you’re one of my best friends. And even as I tell you that, I realize it’s the same for me. I cannot let life pass me by. You don’t want to wake up one day and find out that you’re seventy-eight years old and you haven’t done half the things you want to do because you can’t go back. Regrets are no good? You don’t want any, right?”
“No, but what if I regret being with both of them?”
“Well, make a list, girl,” Sarah said. “Make a list of the pros and the cons of the situations. What is the biggest thing stopping you from just enjoying your time with both of these guys until you’ve realized which one is meant to be for you?”
“Well, I mean, I already know Connor’s not for me because he’s already told me he doesn’t really want a long-term relationship.”
“But...” she said.
“But I really enjoy my time with him and I really like him. There’s just something about him, an exuberance, a lightness, a sense of fun that I just can’t get enough of. And he’s just so sexy. And he’s just so different. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone. Even when we were in the dressing room, there was this confidence to him, this masculine alpha-ness. The way he just pushed me down, the way he devoured me, the way he made me come on his face. He didn’t care. He licked me up and I just loved it. He made me feel like I could be wild as well.”
“So it seems like you prefer him to Lucas.”
“But that’s the thing. I just don’t know. Lucas, he just seems so steady, so nice. So handsome, and he wants me, and he wants a relationship. He seems like he would be the perfect father, the perfect husband, the perfect mate.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“Girl, you’ve seen him. Of course, I’m attracted to him. He’s gorgeous. And when I’m with him, he makes my heart race. I just ... Ugh, this is such a difficult decision. I never in a million years would have thought that I could be attracted to two men in this way. I mean, yeah, I always knew that I could find multiple men attractive. I mean, I’m not crazy, but I never knew that I could want two men this much, this badly. It just blows my mind.”
“So then again, girl, what are you afraid of? Why don’t you explore it with both of them?”
“I guess I’m just nervous because if Lucas and I end up together. How do I tell him?”
“You mean about Connor?”
“Yeah, how do I tell him?”
“Okay, you say, so as I was getting to know you, I was also getting to know another guy. But maybe don’t say anything because what if Lucas is doing the same thing?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Honestly, I wouldn’t want to know about it. I mean, we’re not in a committed relationship and he said he’s not seeing anyone else, but really, if he is that’s not my business. We’re not committed to each other, though I do feel like ...”
“What?” She said.
“I do feel like if he’s being sexually active with other women and he wants to be sexually active with me, he should tell me.”
“So then is that really your fear? Do you feel that you need to tell both of the guys that you have plans to be sexually active with both of them?”
“No, there’s no way I’m going to tell either of them that.” I sighed. “Oh my God, Sarah. I just don’t know what I’m doing. This feels absolutely crazy to me. I’ve never been