through, and I’m sorry.”
Okay. She apologized. I had no clue why. “I don’t understand you. What’d I ever do to you?”
Her face closed in on itself as if she were in pain. “You’re going to think I’m an idiot.”
I already did, so I kept quiet.
She sighed. “I was jealous of you, and worried because of you.”
“Huh?”
“It’s so completely stupid. I—Ryan doesn’t like anyone.”
I snorted. “Besides Tom, Nick, Cora, and Kirk?”
“Yeah, but they’ve only recently come back in the picture, and he doesn’t talk to anyone in the family. I’m his sister, and after Derek died, Ryan only hung out with Kirk. Then Kirk left, and . . .” She didn’t finish.
“What are you talking about?”
“Derek died during Ryan’s sophomore year. Except for ball, he stopped doing everything for an entire year, and then Kirk left, and it was—he was like you until a few months before you moved here. When that happened with your sister, and you came here, I hated you. I saw how you attached yourself to him, but Ryan wasn’t pushing you away. He pushed everyone away until you showed up.” She faltered, glancing down for a moment. “I didn’t want to lose my brother again.”
“You thought I would do that?”
She jerked her head up. “I was scared he’d slip back into whatever had him before.”
It made more sense. Ryan’s response to me, why maybe I was pulled to him, even her attitude.
“I’m sorry for that.”
“No.” She shook her head, smoothing back some of her hair. “I’m sorry.”
I saw the tears that lined her eyes.
She wiped them away. “Anyway, I wanted to say that.”
She slipped out again before I could respond.
I sat there, feeling . . . nothing. Again. Or maybe still?
Another quick knock, and Kirk’s head came around the door this time.
I read the apology on his face before he started to speak, and I held up a hand. “Please. Don’t.”
“What?”
“You’re here to apologize?”
His head lowered. He grabbed the back of his neck, kneading it. “Uh. Yeah. I am.”
I shook my head. “I honestly don’t need it. I didn’t go off on you and then come sit up here, expecting you to come to me with your tail between your legs.”
“Well.” He looked down, the beginning of a playful grin tugging at his mouth. “It’s there.” He moved his hips from side to side. “I can let my hair grow longer, if you want, so there’d be a real tail.”
“No.” I laughed a little at that. “Ryan’s letting everyone have it down there?”
His hips stopped moving, and he nodded. “Yeah. I feel like a dumbass. Erin never told me any of that stuff. She just said that Ryan had changed since you came into the picture. I’m protective of him, and it isn’t just because of my cousin. If you hadn’t noticed, Ryan’s loved. By a lot of people.”
I was getting that.
I shook my head. “It’s fine. Don’t jump down my throat again, okay?” I laughed. “I think I’ve reached my quota of confrontations. There’ve been more the past few months than ever in all my life.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I could imagine Willow standing next to me, her arms crossed over her chest as she rolled her eyes. Yeah, because that was my job. You’re stepping into my shoes, sis.
Kirk rubbed his hand over his face. “Look. I might be overstepping, but I get what you’re going through. I thought I was going crazy. After Derek died, I saw my cousin everywhere—or, I thought I did.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Did he go away?” I finally asked.
He didn’t reply at first. A second passed, and a hollow look entered his eyes. He was staring at me, but he wasn’t seeing me.
“Not really, no,” he replied softly.
Great. I should just go ahead and reserve my room in the mental hospital.
“But I don’t want him to.” He nodded to me. “You won’t either, if it’s the same for you.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry for going off on you.”
“I’m sorry for being the asshole you had to go off on. And for the record, I deserved it. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
Willow grunted next to me. Damn straight.
Kirk motioned for the door, grabbing the doorknob again. “Ryan sent me up here to grovel and see if you wanted the spaghetti he promised. He’s heating some downstairs. Guess pizza got shot down.”
I thought of the forgotten one at my house. I hadn’t been hungry then, but my stomach rumbled. Spaghetti sounded good.
I motioned for the door. “Lead the way.”
He paused before