that exists is us. Eli’s mouth moves against mine, and his hands hold my cheeks. He keeps me firmly against him as our lips stay fused. It’s everything that I remember and more. My fingers grip his shirt, holding him as much as he’s holding me. It’s reckless to be with a man that will never stay, but I don’t have the energy to care.
Right now, he’s here.
Right now, he’s real.
Right now, he’s kissing me.
And for right now, that’s enough.
He slides his tongue against mine, pushing his way into my mouth. I’ve never been kissed like this. There’s no way I’ll ever kiss another man without comparing them to this one. Eli kisses me like he’s been starved for it, which is completely absurd, but that’s what he makes me feel.
Too soon, he pulls back and looks at me, his eyes blazing with heat as they dance along my features, his lips red from kissing me. If I pinch myself, would I wake from this dream?
“Tomorrow,” he says in a strained voice. “I’m going to be here in the morning to pick you up.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head quickly.
There are so many things that I can’t do with him. I can’t get caught up in some tabloid scandal. I can’t have my life get flipped upside down because of him. I can’t date some celebrity who is only going to break my heart. More than anything, I can’t seem to push him away.
“Do you have to work?” he asks.
“No, I mean I can’t date you. I can’t even think about whatever this is. I can’t be hurt again, Eli. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a mess.”
Hurt flashes across his face before he masks it with a grin. “Who said anything about dating? I promise that no one will see us together. We’ll talk about the mess you are and figure out how you’re going to deal with me in your life.”
“I’m not having sex with you again.”
He laughs and kisses me. “Whatever you say. Wear sneakers and a bathing suit.”
Before I can respond, Eli is halfway down the stairs. “Why are you fighting so hard to see me? I’m clearly pushing you away. What is making you keep coming back?” I ask.
He stops, rushes back up the stairs, and pulls me close. “Because you’re not like every other girl. You’re the first person I’ve met in what feels like forever who doesn’t seem to want something from me.” His hand pushes the hair back off my face. “You look at me like I’m just a guy, not a meal ticket. You’re gorgeous, stubborn, and there’s something more that I can’t explain. I’m not saying this will work, but I’m willing to take a chance and see what this is, are you?”
Every word he said was exactly the right one. I’m not looking for anything from him. Maybe this won’t work, but I don’t know that I’m strong enough to say no.
“No strings?” I ask.
“No strings. Just a chance.”
I’m not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl—I’m a planner. I like my life to have order because there’s too much chaos everywhere else. I can’t make my sister’s disease fit into a box, but I can make my schedule solid. It’s my only way of being able to control my life when everything else is spiraling. There was no way to plan for my parents to die when I was twenty-one, but I can make sure that each Thursday I’m at the youth center to teach self-defense. Eli is a variable, though. He won’t fit into a box, so I won’t let him become a fixture in my life.
I know without a doubt, he’ll be the extra card that sends my house tumbling down.
Chapter 12
Heather
The clock reads four in the morning, and I groan. There’s no way I’m going to get back to sleep if my mind won’t stop running through all the possibilities of what Eli has planned. I didn’t think to even ask him what time he’s coming to get me today. For all I know, it isn’t until late morning, which is going to leave me keyed up all day.
I decide to be ready for whatever will happen. I won’t be caught off guard again and look like ass.
No, today I’m going to look as hot as possible. So, I climb out of bed and start a pot of coffee.
Two hours later, I’m showered and wearing my deep purple bikini, white