my chest. We were about to have a difference of opinion, but Ryan didn’t care. He kept pushing me ahead, and when I locked my legs in place, his arm wrapped around my waist, and he lifted me.
“Oooh!” I squeaked. I hadn’t been expecting that.
Two points for him.
He carried me until we were far away from everyone with some trees to our right, lawn to the left, and a creek crossing both. I ignored the full moon above us. I’d already looked up as I talked to Willow. The sky and anything else up there were cut off from my attention. She didn’t deserve it anymore.
“Sit.”
Ryan’s hand went to my shoulders as if he were going to push me down, but I shrugged off his touch and moved farther away. Wrapping my arms around myself, I warded off a chill that wasn’t in the air.
“Mac.”
I waved a hand at him. “I’m good. I won’t drink anymore.”
“That isn’t why I stopped you.”
I looked up, frowning. “Why did you?”
He shrugged, cocking his head to the side. “You looked upset. Okay, and yeah”—his eyes flicked upwards—“maybe it was to stop you from drinking. Getting drunk when it’s just me is one thing. Getting drunk around strangers . . . I don’t know.” He looked back at where we’d come from. The bass thumped softly in the background. A few laughing shrieks rang out. “I didn’t like how some of the guys were looking at you,” Ryan confessed.
“Oh.” I’d already forgotten how Nick’s older brother had gaped at me. I’d gotten that a lot since Willow. I blocked it out. “Don’t worry.” I shot him a grin. “I won’t sleep with any of them. I think the magical sleeping aid exists only with you.” And remembering how Nick’s brother and then his other friends had fawned over Ryan when we arrived, I nudged him with my elbow. “I’m not sure if I liked how they were looking at you either.”
He smiled and seemed to relax. “Sit with me?”
I nodded. It was stupid, but I liked that he asked. This time I wasn’t told where to go. I wasn’t taken somewhere. I wasn’t given a rule.
As I folded down next to him, he asked, “What?”
“What?” I looked over.
“You sighed. You okay?”
I frowned for a second. “It’s weird. My parents don’t really watch me, but in some ways, that’s all they do.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” And I didn’t.
I didn’t know a lot lately, but maybe, that was to be expected. A person’s always trying to make sense of things, and probably more so in a time like this.
I let out a breath. “Everything’s fucked up.”
His knees came up, and he put his arms around them, resting his chin atop. “Yeah. I can imagine.”
I looked at him, hearing the knowing tone from him. “Your friend died.”
“It isn’t the same as a sister.”
“You still know a little.”
“Yeah.” His eyes found mine, warming and holding mine captive. “I know a little.”
“Is that why you’re being so nice?”
He groaned, his head tipping back. His arms moved behind him, and he stretched out his legs. “We’ve been over this.”
“You said you didn’t know. You just were.’” I used his words.
He laughed under his breath. “You know, most girls would jump at the chance to sleep in my bed.”
“Yeah?” I hid a grin as my eyebrows went up.
“Yeah. I’m hot stuff. If you weren’t in mourning, I’d think you were blind. Check me out.” He waved a hand over his chest. “Hot shit. I’m a basketball star too, if you didn’t notice my greeting tonight.”
“Oh, I noticed.” He’d been heralded like a celebrity, but I also knew he didn’t want to talk about it. He was polite to them, but after a bit, his friends stepped in and had been shielding him the rest of the night. And he was hiding with me. I laughed. Maybe I was hiding with him. I needed this banter. An invisible weight on my chest lifted a little. “Thank you.” I raised my knees and rested my cheek on them, turning to peer at him. “And you are super duper cute.”
“Super duper?” He sat up, wincing. “Are you serious? You couldn’t go with something more manly?”
“You’re still a boy. We’re only in high school.”
He shook his head. “See? That’s where you’re wrong. We’re on the edge of adulthood. One more year for us, and that’s it. Off we go.”
“Like a little bird kept protected,” I teased. “They’re letting you fly.”
“Exactly.” He flinched. “I think.