made. This life is a choice I made. No, I didn’t choose to lose my parents. But I did choose to stay. I chose to stay at Hope Springs because there was always something there for me. My family. And you. Maybe I did stay because of you. But it wasn’t because I’m a martyr. Yeah, I have been one. It’s true. But not in the having of you. In the wanting you and not taking you, yeah. But this is not me being a martyr, Samantha Marshall. This is me being a man. I love you. I love you the way a man should love a woman. I want to lay my hands on you only to cause you pleasure and never to cause you pain. I want to protect you and never cause you harm. I want to be your husband and the father of your children. That’s what I’m here for.”
Every defense inside her crumbled, and the ones that didn’t go on their own she knocked all the way down. Because she was ready. Ready for this. Ready for him. Ready for whatever might come next.
“I... I’m a coward. I wanted to pretend that it was about you, but it was all about me.” She took a shuddering breath. “I just came back from seeing my mom.”
His body went stiff, and she could see he was ready to fight. To protect. “And?”
“I don’t want to be her. I didn’t think I could be, because I saw us as being so different. She stayed. I left. She is still in that house, still outwardly clinging to all that same pain, and I’m here. I have my jewelry. I thought... I’ll have a baby and I’ll change my life. But I’m still living there, too. In my heart, I still was.”
“It’s hard to move on from hurt like that,” Ryder said, his voice rough. “I know how it is.”
“I am so afraid of loving bigger than myself. In a way that I can’t control. But I do. With you. It’s so all-consuming and huge. And it has been all this time. And I could never let you be my everything, Ryder, because I was sure that that would destroy me. But it won’t because of you. That was what I was missing. That I needed to trust you. Trust us. I asked for love once and it was like looking into a black abyss. But you offered it to me without me ever having to ask. And more important, you’ve shown me what love looks like all these years. I was just afraid to call it what it was.”
She took a sharp, jagged breath that cut her open, and she bled her heart out before him. Let it flow like a river. “I was afraid of giving myself over to something. But freedom...real freedom is this. Not letting the past decide how loud we get to live and how big we get to love. Real freedom is living, and not just hiding. And that’s what I want. Not just life, but this life.”
“Did I catch you communing with nature?” he asked, his grin lopsided.
“I was being vulnerable,” she said, taking a step toward him.
“I got you.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, and she felt enveloped by his strength. Free to be as soft as she needed to be because of him. Because he was the kind of man whose hands were there to hold her. To cradle their baby. Whose muscles would only ever be used to protect. And never to harm.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I wanted you to know,” he said. “I got a coaching job.”
She tilted her head up and looked at him. “You did?”
“Yes. And it’s because of you. All the things we went through to get to this moment. Painful or not. So I don’t need you to apologize to me. We both had some work to do. Because you were right. There were things I needed to address. I am happy. I want you to know that. I’ve spent years being happy because of the family we’ve had here. And you are part of that. Not shoved in here stitched in sloppy, not an afterthought, but a key thread that holds us together. That held me together. I told you. You’ve been my light. My warmth. Don’t ever underestimate the power of that. Cold kills you. Darkness makes you insane. The sun is the source of life. You