was with her. Making her bright and brilliant and more than she could ever hope to be on her own.
He lit her up.
With burning brilliance.
And that was when she realized that he had always been her sun. Her guiding light. The source of her life. And if she had given him anything it was only because she was reflecting that light back on to him.
He thrust into her one last time and growled, and she found her release on a sob.
Ryder.
Who stood so strong in the wake of insurmountable force.
She couldn’t bear him not having everything because he was taking care of her instead.
And she couldn’t bear for the resentment that would breed. And what it would do to her. To their child.
She had been that child.
Oh, she and Ryder would never be angry fists and abuse. But resentment could take so many shapes, and twist even good people. In fact, she was certain that in some ways it could twist good people in more subtle, sharp ways.
He would stay. And stay and stay. No matter what.
“I have to go,” she whispered, slipping away from him and peeling herself away from the wet grass.
“Why?” he asked.
“I don’t mean back to the house. I mean... I need to go away.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It was my original plan. To leave here. To go and find some adventure. To find myself.”
“And you decided the time to revisit that plan would be after you got pregnant with my baby and married me?”
“I’m not revisiting. I’m... I’m remembering why. Why this was important to me. And I’ve been dealing with all of the... This isn’t going to work.”
“What do you mean it isn’t going to work? We just made love outside. I’m in love with you. I made vows to you. Nothing says more about how well this could work than that.”
“Because it’s about me,” she said. “I can’t do this.” As soon as the words tripped off her tongue she felt them rebound against her. She tried to take a breath, but found that she couldn’t. She didn’t know how to articulate all of the things that were rattling around inside her and they would make her feel too exposed anyway. So she decided to lean in to what she let everyone think she was. To what he seemed to think she was sometimes.
“I told you that I wanted to find myself. I haven’t yet.”
“Bullshit,” he said. “You don’t mean that. So what is this really about?”
She was naked with the man. With Ryder. Who she would have said was absolutely 100 percent too much of a stick in the mud to ever be naked out in the middle of the woods. Let alone naked and having this conversation. But he had done this with her, because of her.
And he said that he loved her.
Maybe he means it.
How would he know? He’d had every choice in life taken from him from such an early age. And he was...
He was beautiful.
And it reminded her of being seventeen again, to look at him and ache like this. She had wanted so much to join his family. Had watched them over the fence and thought that everything would be perfect if she could just be with them. But it was so much more complicated than that. Oh, how she wished it weren’t. Oh, how she wished it could be that simple.
“I don’t want to be married,” she said softly. “I told you that. But you pushed me and... And backing off when it comes to declarations of love and all of that... It doesn’t erase the fact that you pushed me into this part. And it isn’t what I want.”
His face had gone blank, his whole body tense. “Go, then. Do what you need to do. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“That’s not what I’m asking for.”
“And I said that nothing would break us. I said that. And I meant it. I still do. Nothing is going to break us, Sammy, not without our permission. Your permission. I won’t leave you. I won’t forsake you. I’ve been here for you all this time, and I’ll be here when you get back. No questions asked.”
“That’s the problem,” she said. Anger rioted through her. “That’s the problem. You don’t know what it’s like to choose something because you want it, Ryder Daniels. The only thing you know how to do is to martyr yourself to responsibilities. And I won’t be one more.”
“So now you get to tell