And in walked Ryder, her husband, holding a cup of coffee. He set the coffee down in front of her, and she inhaled.
“You know pregnant women can have one cup. It’s fine.”
“You’re an expert,” she said, reaching out gratefully and taking hold of the mug.
“I’m starting to be. So when do you think we ought to make a doctor appointment?”
She looked up at him just before she popped a grape into her mouth. He was so...conventional. And beautiful. She never got tired of him. Looking at him in this new way. She could still see what she had seen for all those years, but she saw new things, too. Like looking at a drawing that had been traced over another. She could still see both versions clearly. And love them both in different sorts of fashions. Her familiar friend was so dear to her, but her lover, her husband, was...infinitely fascinating.
It was amazing how a man she had known for so long could still be surprising. Except, this question did not surprise her. Not really.
“I want a midwife,” she said.
The air around her seemed to skip a beat as he reacted to that, a muscle twitching slightly in his cheek.
“You’re kidding,” he said.
“No,” she said. “I want a midwife.”
“I... I don’t understand. That was like the kind of thing you had when you lived on the prairie and couldn’t get an actual doctor.”
“Incorrect. But thank you for dropping your penis knowledge onto this very female subject.”
That cheek tick again. “You need a doctor.”
“I want a midwife, and I want home birth.”
“Absolutely not,” he said. “Sammy, that’s insane.”
“Many, many people have home births,” she said pragmatically.
“Yes, people used to have home births back in those prairie days I was just talking about. And they died.”
“Do you hear yourself right now? If there’s an emergency, the midwife will be equipped with a kit. And, we are not that far from the hospital.”
“We are very far from the hospital,” he said. “It is forty-five minutes to Tolowa. They would have to airlift you. That’s expensive. Ask me how I know.”
“I know,” she said. “I know that you had airlifted siblings on your watch. But I’m not going to need to be airlifted. Anyway, thank you for showing your concern through your wallet.”
“I don’t give a damn about my wallet. I would pay to have you airlifted out of here for fun if I thought it would make you more comfortable. I’m just saying I don’t want you to be in an emergency. I can’t even imagine... Sammy, I could not load you onto a helicopter while you are in labor with my baby and let them take you off to Tolowa, and have to follow behind you in a car. It would kill me.”
“News flash,” she said. “This whole thing is not in your control. And it’s just something you’re going to have to let me make some decisions about. Women have been having children for thousands of years.”
“And dying doing it for just as long.”
She made an exasperated sound. “Is it all death with you?”
“Wouldn’t it be to you if you were me?”
She looked at him, at the lines on his face. Lines that he had started earning when he was far too young.
“Okay. I get it. You’re scared. You’re scared about this kind of stuff, and you want to be the most responsible. But it is my choice, Ryder. I want to do this my way. And I think my way is good.”
“I know you do,” he said. “Sammy, I know that you aren’t intentionally going to do something to hurt yourself or the baby, but I worry that it might.”
“You’re going to worry either way.”
“Sammy, we’re married now. We live together. Our lives are part of each other’s. You can’t just be a free spirit and do whatever you want.”
“A very interesting point,” she said drily. “Since the same goes for you. You don’t just get to tell me what to do all the time. It can’t just be about managing your anxiety. I have to be able to live. You’re right. Our lives are wrapped around each other’s, but that doesn’t mean the person with the most anxiety wins.”
“Sammy...”
“You have to trust me,” she said, putting her hand on his arm. “Remember what we talked about a few months ago? I know that sometimes you see me as haphazard, but I promise you I’m not. I am just as much of a control freak as you are. I want