good place for a life-changing event. The window seat is empty again, which is a bright spot in a terrifying morning.
‘Off you go,’ Bev says.
‘What do I need to do?’ I whisper.
‘Pee on it,’ she whispers back. ‘Then wait a couple of minutes. That’s it.’
‘Come with me,’ I beg.
So we put our coats over the backs of the chairs to save the table and disappear into the loo together. The space is cramped and it’s all pink and the smell of pot pourri makes me feel nauseous. My chest is tight and I feel barely able to breathe.
‘Go on.’ My friend nods to me in an encouraging way. ‘Do it.’
I shut myself into the cubicle and, as ordered, pee on the stick. When I come out, it’s already showing the result and my hands are shaking.
Bev is waiting anxiously. ‘Well?’
‘I’m going to have a baby,’ I say.
‘Right.’ She wrings her hands. ‘This calls for a cup of tea.’
I nod.
Then she pauses and adds, ‘Are we celebrating?’
‘I don’t know,’ I admit. Part of me is thrilled, the other part is utterly terrified. This wasn’t planned, of course not. And it’s not the thought of a baby that scares me, it’s what Shelby’s reaction will be. I know that he doesn’t want children. It’s not part of his life-plan at all. I’ve even been frightened to tell him that Lucas is about to become a dad. How can I tell him that both he and his son are about to be daddies? This is too difficult.
Bev hugs me tightly. ‘Well, I think we are,’ she says. ‘Let’s have cake too.’
We go back into the café and I sit at the table, stunned, while Bev fusses with ordering tea and cake.
She brings back two brimming mugs and huge slices of Victoria sponge. I stare at it blankly.
Bev pushes the cake at me. ‘You’re eating for two now.’
‘I can’t face it.’
‘Has it sunk in yet?’ she asks.
‘No.’ I shake my head, bewildered. ‘I don’t have time to be pregnant.’
Bev smiles at me. ‘Life has a way of laughing in your face. We’ll find time. That’s the least of your worries. How far gone do you think you are?’
‘I don’t know.’ Perhaps it was the romantic night we had at Homewood Manor. Were we as careful as usual then? I think so. But clearly not. Here I am lecturing Lucas about using contraception when I should, obviously, have been listening to my own advice. ‘It can’t be very long.’
Shelby and I have barely seen each other recently, let alone had time to do anything else. The ‘occasions’ are few and far between, so that should make it easy to work out. But I can’t think straight, at the moment.
‘Difficult question,’ Bev says, ‘But do you want to keep the baby?’
Then I get a rush of love, of emotion, like I’ve never experienced before and I know one hundred per cent what my answer is. ‘Yes.’ Tears well in my eyes. ‘Yes.’
Bev squeezes my hand. ‘Oh, I did hope you’d say that. You can allow yourself to be excited, then!’
I smile and cry a bit too. ‘I don’t think Shelby will be pleased, though,’ I venture. ‘How am I going to tell him?’ And, just as importantly, how am I going to tell Lucas? I’m absolutely sure he won’t be thrilled either.
‘Wait until he comes back at Christmas,’ Bev says. ‘This is not an “over the phone” kind of thing. It will give you some breathing space to think and make some plans.’
‘Yes, yes. You’re right.’
She gives me her concerned face. ‘Everything is OK between you guys?’
‘I don’t know,’ I confess. ‘We’ve hardly seen each other, especially since he’s been in Birmingham.’
‘How was the panto?’
‘Fun,’ I say. ‘No, actually it was awful.’ I don’t tell Bev that Shelby was largely unavailable to us. ‘Not really my kind of thing.’
‘I didn’t think so. But Shelby is enjoying it?’
‘He seems to be in his element.’ I get a vision of the young stars hanging on his every word and have a pang of jealousy.
‘He’ll come round to the idea of a baby.’ Bev sounds more certain than I am. ‘I’ll be an aunty twice over! Yay! I’m looking forward to it already.’
Once I’m over the initial shock, I think I will be too. But it saddens me to say that part of me is aware that, somehow, someway, Shelby is slipping away from me.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Back at the farm, Bev runs through the plans for the open day while