for us, Molly. I have to do this. You know that. If I don’t, I fear I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. But I promise you, I will come back to you.’
But what I can’t tell him is that I don’t think I’ll be waiting.
Chapter Seventy-Nine
When we get back to the caravan, Lucas has strung up the Christmas lights and it looks amazing. They criss-cross the ceiling, giving a multi-coloured disco effect. There’s a mini fake tree set up in the corner that’s hung with baubles that are too big for it. A gold star shines out from the top.
‘Behold,’ he says, ‘Yonder Christmas caravan!’ He sounds chirpier now; sometimes, his mercurial moods catch me off balance.
‘All this looks wonderful, Lucas.’ I squeeze his arm. ‘Very cosy.’ ‘I got a bit carried away,’ he explains with a shrug.
‘Well, I’m glad that you did.’ I try to respond to his brightness. ‘Fantastic job!’
Yet, when he sees our faces – or our body language – he frowns and says, ‘What?’
‘Your dad is going to take you out to lunch,’ I tell him. ‘Just the two of you.’
‘Without you? Why?’ He looks to each of us for an explanation.
‘We’ve got things to talk about,’ Shelby says.
‘Then let’s talk about them here.’
‘Lucas, please go with your dad,’ I beg. They need time together, and I know that sometimes Shelby says all the wrong things, but I can’t do this one for him. He has to step up to the mark and be a proper parent to his son.
‘We’ll just go to the local pub,’ Shelby offers. ‘Come on. Let’s have a bit of time to ourselves.’
Lucas looks horrified. ‘Are you two splitting up? You are, aren’t you?’
Shelby and I exchange a glance, both of us worried.
‘I knew it.’ Lucas huffs at us both. ‘Well, I’m staying here with Molly. Whatever’s going on, I’m not budging. This is my home now.’
My relief is palpable.
‘Come to the pub with me,’ Shelby cajoles. ‘We can discuss it properly.’
‘No,’ Lucas says. ‘Everyone will be looking at us. It’ll be a fucking circus like it always is.’
‘I can’t help that,’ Shelby says crossly. ‘It’s my life.’
‘That doesn’t mean it has to be mine,’ Lucas snaps.
As usual, I end up refereeing. ‘Let’s scrap the whole pub idea,’ I suggest, placatingly. ‘I can make us some sandwiches and we can discuss it together.’
Lucas gives me a thankful look. Shelby also seems grateful that he won’t have to do this with Lucas alone.
‘Sit down, both of you, while I make lunch. Talk.’
Lucas goes straight on his phone and ignores his father while Shelby sits and looks as if he’s no idea what he’s doing here.
So, muttering silently to myself, I bang out some sandwiches and a big pot of tea. Then we sit awkwardly at the table beneath lights which are flashing on and off in random patterns, while Shelby explains that he won’t be home for Christmas and that he’ll be leaving us both behind to head to Hollywood for a fantastic role that will make his fame and fortune.
I thought he might come back to pack up his stuff, but apart from one suitcase, Ken will see to it all and ship it on to him. Ken, it transpires, will be joining him out there for the foreseeable future.
Lucas sits and calmly takes it all in. He doesn’t rail or rant and I’m so proud of the mature way in which he handles this news – another blow, no doubt, on top of everything else. Shelby, on the other hand, looks devastated. Now that he’s said it all out loud, perhaps it seems more real to him. He comes to the end of his speech and we all fall silent.
I jump in and say, ‘It’s a great opportunity for your dad.’
Lucas rolls his eyes at me and picks up his phone again.
Shelby looks at me, eyes pleading – for what, I don’t know. He’s leaving. There’s very little else to be said.
Conversation is, at best, strained as we finish lunch and, as soon as we’re done, we both walk Shelby to his car. He hugs Lucas and, for once, his son doesn’t resist. Perhaps there’s a small sign of capitulation here.
Then it’s my turn and I step into the warmth of Shelby’s arms. I remember how all this started and how I had so much hope for us all. For a moment, I’m almost undone. From the way that Shelby is holding me, I feel that he