obvious that he’s not in the mood for small talk. ‘Molly, I’m about to go through passport control.’
‘I hope you have a great flight,’ I tell him. ‘Fingers crossed that it’s not delayed. I’ll be thinking of you.’
He takes a deep breath. I hear it wavering down the line. ‘I don’t have to go,’ he says, tightly. ‘Tell me not to go and I’ll turn round and come home.’
My heart is pounding and I wonder if this is what I’ve waited to hear. At the eleventh hour, he’s obviously having second thoughts and who wouldn’t? It’s a huge step. He’s giving up life here to start anew. He’s leaving me and his son behind. He might have convinced himself that it’s a temporary situation, but we both know that it could well be much more than that.
‘Say something,’ Shelby urges.
What do I do? This is Shelby’s big moment, his dream. Yet, should I think of Lucas and ask him to come home? If I did that, would Shelby hold it against me for ever? Even if he comes back now would this ending be happy ever after?
‘Molly, I don’t have to get on this plane.’
This is it. The moment that changes everything. I take time to gather my thoughts before I answer as I know there will be no going back.
‘You do,’ I say and my voice sounds stronger than it feels. ‘This is what you want.’
‘I don’t know if it is,’ he admits.
‘You have a contract, commitments. You start filming in a couple of days.’
‘I can ask my agent to sort it. I’m pretty sure he could get me out of it. You and Lucas are more important to me. My head has been so messed up, I’ve not been thinking straight. Say the word and I’ll come home right now.’
It would be so tempting, so easy to ask him to stay. But what then? Are we already too far apart to bridge the gap?
‘Molly?’
I try to steady my breath, but my heart is thumping and I take another interminable moment to make sure that this absolutely what I want.
‘Go,’ I say as calmly as I can. ‘You’re halfway there.’ He might have miles to travel, but emotionally he is already stepping out of our lives.
There’s a long silence before he replies. ‘I’ll call you as soon as I arrive.’
‘Safe journey, Shelby,’ I offer. ‘I hope that it’s all you wish for.’
‘I love you,’ he says.
But I can’t answer that. All I can manage is. ‘Take care.’
Then I hang up the phone and stare at the wall wondering whether or not I’ve done the right thing. Is this for the best or have I just completely messed up my life?
Chapter Eighty-Three
Wrapping up warm before I head out into the snow, I go through the usual routine of feeding the animals and try not to think about my conversation with Shelby. He’ll have gone through to the departure lounge by now and will be getting ready to board his flight. I feel numb. I feel sad. I feel relief.
I take care to wish all of my charges a very merry Christmas and sneak them an extra treat as it’s a special day. I’ve got a Christmas carrot for one and all, so am very popular. As I watch them crunch and munch, I savour the peace, the unchanging nature of the farm and feel my soul settle once more.
When I get back to the caravan, Phantom is sitting at the bottom of the steps, staring at me. Our feral cat has never come anywhere near the van before and, as you know, is rarely even seen in the yard, preferring to be out in the fields or in the barn.
‘Hello, boy.’ I bend down towards him and he leans away from me, but holds his ground, regarding me with his one good eye. So I sit on the step next to him. ‘This is a nice surprise that you’ve come to say hello to me.’
He meows and rubs against my leg, which is definitely a Christmas miracle.
‘Would you like something to eat? I can probably rustle up some cheese as long as you don’t tell Lucas.’ I think there’s some in the back of the fridge for my non-vegan emergencies. I’m frightened if I move, he’ll bolt, but I want to give him a treat if I can. Moving slowly, I risk going to the fridge and do, indeed, find a morsel of cheese for him. Thankfully, he’s still waiting