water ruptures.” The medical jargon isn’t lost on me, but I know this story can only go one way, and I brace myself for the worse.
She nods silently.
“The bleeding… the water… he was breeched.” She shuffles a little to the left where I hadn’t noticed the smaller tombstone. Wiping away the snow, she leans in and places her hand on it. In the darkness of the night, it confirms what I had just thought, what I had feared.
“He died when I delivered. There were too many complications. He was too small, too fragile to even fight.”
Alexander Mason Edwards
Sleep my baby angel, always and forever in my heart.
“I held him… you know… for a few moments. I saw his tiny face, and I knew he deserved a name, so I named him Alexander, after you. He was small… so very tiny.” She’s sobbing, her shoulders rising and falling beside me.
“It was all too much for him with everything that happened that day. I blamed myself for losing my grandmother and not taking care of myself. I thought I had killed him because I didn’t want him, but I did want him… I was just terrified. The grief was overwhelming, and I called for you, screamed your name, begged you to come and rescue me, but they thought I was crazy. They watched me, even placed me on suicide watch. I wasn’t going to kill myself, but I needed something to take away the pain.”
The psych ward, Bryce’s call. It all makes sense now.
“I couldn’t see anything but darkness. There was no point anymore to life, I’d lost everything. But, Lex… I need you to keep an open mind about what I’m about to tell you, please understand that I had no other choice.”
My head flinches back slightly, confused by what she is asking. Still reeling from all the information and trying to manage the grief and remorse fighting for my attention, I silently wait for her to reveal whatever it is willing an open mind.
“They wanted to place me in the psych ward. Well, they did for a day, but I begged them to call your dad. I knew if anyone understood the grief I was going through, what led to this breakdown, it would be him.”
“My dad knew?” I almost choke, eyes widening as anger begins to seep in.
“He saved me, Lex. He explained my history to the acting doctors and promised to keep me under his care. When I saw him, he asked me to do something, to promise him something. That if he were going to vouch for me, release me from this place, then in return, I needed to go live my life. Study, go to college, and live a long happy life making everyone who loved me proud. I needed to become Charlotte Mason, and I needed to find who she was and to start a life.
“So, I promised him I would. Three days later, I buried my grandmother and our son. My dad had been traveling and because of bad weather, couldn’t make it back in time. It was the second worse day of my life. I promised both of them I would make them proud, that wherever they were, they would always smile down on me. It was the only thing that kept me going. It was the only way I could move on.”
“Charlotte…” I’m at a loss for words, scared to say the wrong thing.
“That afternoon, instead of attending the gathering afterward, I went straight to the tattoo parlor. I knew what I wanted.”
The phoenix.
“The tattoo, the phoenix. It symbolizes rebirth because I had to start a new life, Lex, without you, my grandmother, or the baby. As long as I was alone, I needed a reminder every day that I was still standing here and had a life that needed to be lived. I was given a second chance.” She lets out a small smile through her tears. “The needle… to answer the question that you asked me, it felt like nothing, not compared to what I had been through.”
“I wish you had told me,” I manage to say, guilty for pushing myself back onto her. “I wish I was there with you.”
“No one knew except for Annie. Not even Nikki or Eric know the truth. I kept this to myself, but now you know, Lex, why when I saw you, I was afraid. To have been left by you, to go back to that place that I promised your dad I