walks out of the coffee shop with a smile on his face.
***
I take in a deep breath, gazing at my reflection in the mirror. The dress Adriana designed is absolutely stunning, the color blush matching my skin tone perfectly thanks to a last-minute spray tan Eric convinces me I needed.
The strapless gown sits snug around my breasts which have decided to grow in the last week, pumped full of hormones making them really pop out. Adriana made some minor adjustments since I have lost weight around my waist from my inability to hold down any food in the morning, but that appears to have eased in the last two days.
My hair is styled in soft curls parted to the side, and the only piece of jewelry I am wearing is the phoenix pendant. Reaching for the necklace, I run my fingers over it, closing my eyes while I take in another deep breath. I’m unable to push aside the nerves, knowing I’ll see him for the first time since that night in the hospital.
Sometimes in life you wonder how you ever got through something, a moment when life meant nothing. The past month has been nothing short of hell. Time is moving slowly, but I’m stuck in my own personal hell, waving my wand of pain over those I love and over the only man I’ve ever loved.
I have no one to blame but myself.
That’s what makes this harder.
My talk with Andrew made me realize I can’t give up, but I cannot push him either. There are several times when I nearly caved, dialing his number, sending him a text, and even as far as speaking to Air France on the phone ready to divulge my credit card details, but I chickened out at the last minute. Of course, I want to see him, but there’s the uncertainty of his reaction, and I need to be in the right frame of mind to handle any hurt or rejection he might inflict upon me. He is a guy, after all, and his natural reaction would be to fuck everything in sight and forget about me, the super-bitch who’s knocked up with another man’s baby.
Oh, how I would do anything to take back what I said, to take back the hurt I caused him, but what’s done is done. I’m officially all cried out, and now I’m here on Adriana’s wedding day where I’ll finally meet my destiny, the one I choose to follow.
“Charlie, I know you’re scared,” Eric murmurs while fixing the back of my dress.
“Scared would be an understatement. E, what if I’ve damaged him so bad that he can’t even look me in the eye?”
Eric places the bottom of my dress down, standing behind me as he gazes at my reflection in the mirror. “My mom always said that you can tell how much someone loves you by looking them in the eyes. Look him straight in the eyes, Charlie. The answer will be there.”
I nod, although the thought of not seeing any love for me weighs heavily on my mind. Can I look into his eyes? What if I fall harder, and he isn’t there to catch me?
“And if all else fails, just look at his crotch and hope for a wave hello or the one-eyed salute.”
“You’re terrible.” I laugh.
“Weddings bring it out of me.”
There’s a soft knock on the door followed by Kate poking her head in. Eric motions for her to enter. He knows we need to talk, so he leaves us alone to check on Adriana.
I have only managed to communicate with Kate by text. This is the first time I’ve seen her since the restaurant episode.
“Charlie, you look gorgeous. That color is amazing on you,” she says, nervously.
Kate looks stunning wearing a navy off-the-shoulder chiffon dress. With her hair cut shorter into a bob, it’s styled to the side with a French braid and colored in a lighter shade of blonde.
“Thanks, Kate.” With my hand clutching my stomach, I try to calm my nerves again, willing to get out my apology. “Listen, I’m so sorry for allowing this to come between us.”
Her shoulders instantly relax as if she has been holding in her breath just like me.
“Charlie, seriously, we are both at fault. How did we not figure out we were talking about the same guy? I’m sorry for being distant the past month. It’s been difficult handling everything on my own. I’ve been pushed beyond my limits, but I suppose what doesn’t kill