extra work I took on to distract myself. On top of all that, I drank way too much, and my body is hating me for it.
I throw myself onto the couch, closing my eyes as Coco purrs beside me. A sudden ring startles me. Beside me, my phone is dancing on the coffee table—it’s Julian.
“Hey you,” I answer, my voice hoarse.
“You okay? You don’t sound well.”
My body aches all over as I straighten myself up. “Just coming down with something, I think.”
“I was going to ask you if you were free for dinner, but never mind, rest up.”
“No, it’s okay, Julian. We need to talk anyway.”
“Yes, we do need to talk. So, how about I pick you up around seven?”
“Um… how about I meet you there? Just text me the details.”
I hang up the call, feeling guilty for avoiding having him here. I remember Lex’s voicemail from last night. I remember how I felt when I read his words and heard his voice.
With a sudden curiosity, I scroll through my inbox. I find the deleted items folder and recover the emails he sent me.
He apologizes over and over again.
He promises nothing ever happened or ever would happen.
But it isn’t those emails that make me look at him in a different light. It’s the ones he sent me quoting one of my favorite songs. Songs he’d sing to me as I rested against his chest in our safe haven that was our cliff top back home.
A tear falls on my screen as the words linger. How does one stop what the heart wants? It’s impossible not to see the pain I’m inflicting on him, and it makes my heart hurt, a part of it crying for the sorrow he is feeling. But this is about my pain. How am I to rise above it? How am I able to place my trust in him and let all the fears wash away? Can I hand my heart over to him? It thinks it belongs there, but once upon a time, it was asked to leave, and when it left, it took me along with it to a very dark place. Has he changed? Has his heart changed too? Will he see me and understand my fears, understand how fresh this all is? Or will he push me into the dark by questioning my insecurities, belittle me for my ability to run?
I can either hand my heart over or place it in a panic room.
I walk to my vanity and open the little wooden box. Inside sits the engagement ring Julian gave me and the wedding band that Lex placed on my finger.
Two rings, two different men.
I pick up the diamond ring and slide it on my finger.
I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is that tonight, I need to smile.
And if there’s one person who can make that happen, it’s Julian.
CHARLIE
Nine Years Ago
I tried Alex’s cell again, damn voicemail.
It was the morning after I saw him at ‘our’ place, and during the night, I had tried several times to call him. Maybe he was tied up with work. I hoped because the alternative was unbearable, and my paranoia grew deeper as more time had passed.
Something was off yesterday, and I sensed it despite Alex reassuring me everything was going to be just fine. He was demanding, physically, and while he had shown that side several times, yesterday was different. As long as we love each other, that’s all that matters he kept repeating over and over again.
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my wallet, and headed to the store. It was Saturday morning, and the streets were quiet, just the regulars eating their breakfast at the local diner. I walked into the grocery store and grabbed a box of Cheerios. Oh hell, and a Butterfinger while I was at it. Taking my items, I walked toward the counter.
Kaley.
She had been the death of me since junior high. I honestly believed she was some sort of human robot put on this earth to annoy the living daylights out of me. After prom, her vendetta against me tripled. She never explained why she hated me so much, and frankly, she wasn’t worth my energy.
“Hi, Kaley,” I reluctantly greeted her while placing my items on the counter.
“Shopping alone today?” She smirked, swiping each item as it pinged on the register. “No, um… boyfriend to help you out?”
“Excuse me? Seriously, you need to keep your lips shut, and by lips, I don’t just mean