pushes me back onto the hood. I let out a small whimper, the force scares me. It feels wrong on so many levels. I should feel degraded, but I’m so far from it. He’s my husband for crying out loud.
The sound of his belt clicks, and without warning, he rams into me. I bite my lip attempting to muffle my moans. I’m not sure if he takes this as an invitation, but he does it harder. I cry tears, a mixture of happy and sad, feeling the salty liquid run down my face because I miss him in every way possible. It’s pleasure and pain all rolled into one fucked-up ball.
“You belong to me, Charlotte. Do you understand? Every inch of this body belongs to me. I’m your husband. I own you.”
I struggle, the ache in my belly forming. I’m close, the build-up is quick, and I know if he speaks again, I will come undone.
He leans over and pulls me in harder and faster, his pleas driving us both to an explosive finish.
“Mine…” he cries out. “You are my wife, Charlotte…”
And then we are done.
Somewhere in our heated moment, he pulls away.
I can’t do this.
I miss him so much and know having this moment, having a chance to feel him again, I just know I can’t go back to the way he treated me. I miss being loved and desired.
I miss being his entire world.
“Lex… I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me go,” I beg, shaking my head.
“You can’t leave me!” he cries, running his hands through his hair in desperation. “I saw him, I saw you look at him.”
“Julian is—”
“It’s my fault. All this is my fault. I was terrified, Charlotte, of losing you the way Adriana lost Elijah. Her pain… it’s unfathomable. So, I did the only thing I know how… I pulled away. Distancing myself from you because I was terrified that if I continued to be this happy, the hurt would kill me if anything happened to you. I would die a slow, excruciating death just like Adriana.”
“You’re my husband,” I sob, my body shuddering. “You’ve hurt me beyond comprehension, but I can’t imagine life without you. You’ve left me no choice.”
“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t know how to deal with this. I was so angry, at everyone, at the whole world.”
“The grief, Lex, swallowed all of us.”
The truth hurts more than anything, and no matter what, we can’t erase the pain we all feel over losing Elijah.
He wraps his arms around me, burrowing his face into my neck, but I pull away, desperate for distance as anger sweeps through me like a gust of wind, now remnants after the wildest of storms. I can’t deny the hurt, but I refuse to give him back so easily what he wants.
All of me.
“You got what you wanted, Lex, you needed to fuck me, and it’s done.”
“What do you mean I got what I wanted? Charlotte, I—”
I raise my hand toward his face, shutting down his plea before it even begins. He expressed his feelings, showed some sort of remorse for his actions, but I need time to process, not throw myself back at him like everything is somehow now okay.
“I need to go back inside,” I tell him, unable to look into his eyes as my gaze wanders over the ground. “You might have unloaded your baggage, but mine is still packed and ready to leave.”
“No…” he bellows, shaking his head while running his fingers through his hair in obvious denial of what we have become. “You cannot leave me! I won’t sign those papers.”
“I need time, okay? You can’t just ambush me tonight, of all nights, after months of treating me this way and expect me to fall back into your arms like all is right in the world. You want to fix what you broke? Then don’t push me.”
I turn around, taking steps away from him as my chest tightens from the overwhelming emotions all brought on by his presence. So easily, I could have fallen into his arms and pretend like this never happened. But I want him to feel my pain, understand what it means to be in a marriage. To respect your partner, through sickness and in health, even if that is comprised due to someone else in your family.
“Are you going back inside to be with him?”
The despair is his tone halts my movement. Jealousy is a curse so powerful it