lips pursed. It’s an emotion that makes me believe he knew but wouldn’t accept it.
Why would he?
She hid this for five years.
Five years of time lost.
“Why do you think he’s mine? Jase and I are nearly identical.”
“You’re nothing alike,” I bite out.
“You’re wrong. Besides our looks, we’re the same. Incurable. Miserable. A goddamn fucking mess.” He leans toward me, taking my face, rubbing circles over the tears as if smearing them will change the fact that sorrow doesn’t leave when they dry. “I’ve fucked up, Sous.” Sous. It’s the worst and best name he’s given me. It reminds me of the good times, the bad ones, and everything in between. It hurts. It heals. It digs deep.
“Don’t ignore this,” I plea. “DNA doesn’t lie, Tobias.” He shakes his head, almost like understanding bleeds into him and his features, but as if a decision is made, he doesn’t push it. He grips my face harder and kisses me.
His lips demolish mine in a collision neither of us prepared for. It’s timeless, the actions non-existent and coalescing at the same time. It’s simultaneous and untethered. It’s soft and hard. It’s a claiming and a promise. It’s everything I’ve wanted and nothing he has offered.
My body thrums with life, it hums and soothes, it feels like everything he’s taken and given as they fight silently to win my sensations over. It’s overwhelming as my heart and mind have it out, and I can’t help but cry.
His tongue traces my bottom lip—a plea—something that isn’t what he usually offers. My husband takes, he doesn’t ask, and it’s always been something I’ve needed, but this tiny moment of tenderness, the keening of his will, the offering, it’s his kneeling to me.
I open for him, parting my lips with a soft moan. His tongue twists with mine as my body heats. Something in the slow, sensual dance brings me too many feelings, and my body starts feeling jittery again.
He pulls back, placing his forehead against mine. “I hate what I’ve done,” he whispers. His eyes are closed when I peer at them, as if the connection will break if he opens them and gives me his pain. That’s what I want. His pain. His presence. His everything. “You’d have been a perfect mother. So perfect it hurts that I haven’t given that to you. I hate myself, Josephine. I hate every breath I take, every moment I’m here and hurting you. I hate every choice I’ve made since seeing you with Francis. I hate every fucking thing in this world, even you, but fuck, that’s not true. You’re my one lie. The thing I promise to hate and ruin, but love runs deep, it fucking breaks me with its power. Because no matter the pain, Sous, I can’t stop. My heart beats for you, it hurts for you, it feels... only for you.” His face is haunted and strained, and he’s never been more handsome.
Pain looks me in the eye.
Hate wrings from him.
Sorrow promises me to be better.
“What do we do now?” I ask, feeling too much. My walls are all but non-existent. They’re no longer standing, but demolishing, torn down by every single thing we’ve been holding back, and it’s so telling.
“We start over.”
Chapter Forty
Past
Toby
“I told you the next time you smart-mouthed me, your ass would be mine.”
She grins as if she knows something I don’t. “Maybe I’ve been pushing because you’re too slow. Is it your age, old man?”
I growl and push her on the bed. She’s freshly showered, her skin dripping, and all I want is to taste and fuck every inch of her. Prowling on top of her, I start at her throat, making sure to suck long enough to leave marks.
“Toby!” she complains. “I work tomorrow!”
“Good, then the entire staff can know I’m the only man fucking you and you’re mine.”
“You’re such a goddamn caveman,” she grumbles, but I see the satisfaction in her eyes. She wants me to mark her and make sure the world knows I’m hers too.
I suck and lick her throat and breasts, making sure to bite her piercing just the way she likes. As she writhes beneath me, a mess of moans and groans, I lick her navel, dipping in and swirling my tongue over that piercing. She whimpers above me, and I just know she’s going to be wet as fuck when I finally spread her open. I take my time to leave hickeys and bite marks on her hips to make sure she knows