or two backward. She seems more hurt from this than she was the other night.
“We can talk later,” she drawls, using that voice I hate hearing from her. It’s the one halfway between disappointment and disregard.
“But you”—she points at her mom—“need a shower, some sleep, and a change of clothes.”
“I’ll do it,” I offer. Joey nods slowly, cold calculation in her stare. She’s hurting. I can see it and feel it as if they were my own emotions. She leaves the room, and I turn back to Lianna, wondering how she could give up something as precious as a child.
It’s one thing, no matter how addicted I get, that makes zero sense to me. Like I did before, giving up on alcohol is easy when it comes to the ones I love. Hurting myself and Joey are the only reasons I go back. It’s a bitter tool I’ve used because no matter what, in my mind, I deserve every fucking mess up and repercussion.
“Our guest room is this way,” I mutter bitterly, leaving the office and hoping she follows. There’s no time to babysit when the world around me falls apart. When I make it to the room far west of our home, I open the door and tell her it’s where she’ll be staying until I fix everything or ruin Clay in the process, hoping it’ll be both in one blow. He needs to be knocked down every peg, and if I have to be the one to drop-kick him myself, then so be it.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Present
Joey
As I sit in our room, I curl into a ball, remembering the worst days of my life.
A baby.
I finally got pregnant.
Would we be fixed if my body could handle carrying a child?
Why couldn’t I be stronger?
My heart sinks as I think of how much I wanted my mom back then.
Did she ever experience this loss?
Did she ever weep for the world to ease up?
Did she beg to be deserving of a child?
I did.
Every single day and night, I begged. Hell, after a week, I tried getting Toby on board for trying again, and he refused. I pleaded with him to put another baby in me. To love me entirely and give me hope.
He wouldn’t.
He said no.
Not yet.
No.
No.
No.
That word repeats in my mind.
Remember when I said my rape ruined our relationship? It’s true. After getting diagnosed with chlamydia, losing my tubal function, and losing a baby, it’s true.
Toby, my loving husband, he broke.
He wasn’t there for me. Silence was what he offered. Yeah, he comforted me, loved me, was perfect, but he didn’t live his pain with me. He didn’t suffer the same, and I hated him for it.
How could he be silent when I raged at the world?
How could he act unaffected when I died inside?
How could he pretend to be so strong when he couldn’t even admit he lost something too?
It’s where my resentment unfurled. It’s where it thrived. It’s where we lost each other.
“I’ll be in the office today, don’t worry I’ve got S covering for you this week.”
“Okay,” I respond, not caring. Nothing mattered anymore. My job could suffer along with me, maybe then I wouldn’t be so alone.
He leaves and my phone chimes.
Dad told me. Come over. Let me cry with you and feed you chocolate and popcorn. For the first time in two weeks, I smile. It’s small and barely there, but it’s a smile. Standing up, I head to the shower.
Thirty minutes later, I’m arriving at Mansion de la Frenchman.
It’s what I’ve called it since living here.
Francis wasn’t amused, but Gray sure as hell was.
Before I make it to the front door, I hear angered voices.
“You think you can walk away, Storm? Think that just because you flew across the fucking world, that I wouldn’t still own every single breath you take? Did you forget what your whore of a mother did? What you hid from me?”
His tone is aggressive and single-handedly scary. I’ve never seen someone so young contain so much malice.
“Ace—” Gray whispers, probably trying to soothe him. He doesn’t stop himself from pushing her into the wall of the house. His palm glides up her throat, gripping and possessive. It reminds me so much of Toby that I almost wish I had popcorn.
“You’re my fucking damaged toy, Gray. Next time you decide to leave Hollow Ridge, I’ll fucking follow you.” He bites her lip before releasing her, then walks toward the back of the house. Interesting. There isn’t anything out there but fields for