and entirely. I couldn’t breathe realizing you were going to break me just like Lo did.”
She vehemently shakes her head, her face full of pain. “I went there for Gray,” she explains, her face scrunches at the memory. “She was with your nephew, and they were fighting. When I went to talk to her, she ran after him.” I look at her, wondering when Ace drove all the way to Hawthorn when Hollow Ridge wasn’t close by any means. “Then I turned to enter the house and wait for her, but Francis found me.”
I nod, knowing this part. I witnessed this part.
“He held me and told me he was sorry that I lost our child. He wished he could fix it for me and you. He was worried about you, but mostly he wanted to know how I was handling everything.”
I’m staring at her, not seeing the situation like she did.
“He hugged me and told me I’d be a mom eventually. I cried a lot while he just held me. Then he said you’d be here for me and make me feel better. You just needed time.”
“I was there,” I mutter, hating that she went elsewhere for comfort.
“I know, but you weren’t. You were there in all the right ways except for the most important one.” She hiccups, her chest rising and falling with pain. “You didn’t grieve with me. It was like I was the only one who hurt. Our child was gone... dead. And you were working and being a doting husband without feeling a single ounce of pain.”
“I felt everything,” I say in exasperation, not wanting to yell. She’s going through enough as it is. “I cried every fucking night. When you went to bed, work, or to Gray, I allowed myself to break down.”
She stares at me dumbfounded, as if I’m a mystery to her. “You cried?”
“Yes, Sous. I did. Every single day.”
Her eyes shut as fresh tears leave her. “I thought you were a robot and didn’t care that we just lost our only chance at having a baby.”
I grip her chin, adjusting her on my lap. “It’s not our last chance, Sous. Not by a long shot. We won’t stop trying.” With her pain-filled nod, I pull her face to mine and lay a soft kiss on her forehead, wanting to bleed emotion into her with every second our skin connects.
“I cared about our child. When we got the news, it took everything in me not to break down with you. After watching my brother and his wife go through this, I knew one thing. My pain couldn’t possibly compare to your pain. You lost a child that grew inside you. You lost a life. Yes, I did too, but not like you did. How could I allow you to experience my hurt when you experienced it so much worse?”
Our gazes meet, both of them wet with intense sentiment and pain. So much fucking pain. She leans forward and takes my lips with hers. She’s not soft but not aggressive. She’s pouring every ounce of her sadness into me, telling me we are meant to experience this together.
She’s right.
I grip her jaw and hold her to my mouth, worshipping her as best as I can. She moans when my hand slips into her fiery hair, massaging her scalp as I swipe my tongue between her lips.
She starts rotating on my lap, making me hard as a fucking rock, but I won’t take advantage. She’s in a bad headspace, one that’s fueled by desperation and sadness. It’s not like she’d be into this otherwise. Not after what I’ve done and what she’s seen with her own eyes.
“I need you,” she whispers against my lips. Pulling back enough to see her face and make sure it’s not the grief riding her, I wait for her to show anything akin to not wanting me.
“You’re hurting,” I offer. She has to want this. I’ve fucked up too much to ever break that trust.
“Make it stop hurting, Toby. I need this,” she promises, fusing our mouths together. She bites my lip, digging hard and nearly piercing my skin. “Please.”
With that plea, I’m lifting us both off the couch. She wraps her thighs around me. We don’t break our kiss. Not even for air.
When we make it to our bedroom, I lay her on the bed. Her eyes are filled with lust and something I feel too—the need to reclaim what’s mine.
She’s so beautiful. Her eyes, those lips, and that