I blame love. Love ruined me. Kissing me with death and lies, love promised everything by masking it with feelings. In the end, it gave me nothing but a heart sickness that darkened my existence.
That was over two years ago. Since then, I’ve been on a constant bender. Drinking. More drinking. And you guessed it, even more drinking. When Jase asked me to leave, I wanted to fight tooth and nail against it. Why did he get to choose? Listening to him belittle me while I threatened to erase myself from his life wasn’t something I’d kindly accepted.
Then Lo—his wife—asked me to, and it changed my entire outlook on the ordeal. It’s her. She matters. Her happiness means the world to me. It has since we were sixteen and met for the first time.
I’d destroy anything if she’d only ask.
And that’s the problem.
I always push even when the door says pull.
Her asking me to vanish triggered this spiral. After two years, it’s time to move forward. As much as a man like me could go.
She visited me after Jase kicked me outside of their house, practically begging me to give her a fresh start. And in return, it’d give me the same.
“It’s too hard, Tobe. Being around you is difficult enough, but being around you while Jase and I are finally on the same page... is impossible. I know. It’s not fair of me to ask, it’s not even okay to, but I need you to go. Whether it’s for a while or to one of your other restaurants in another state, I need this. You need this,” she pleads. Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and the sincerity in her voice has me nearly falling to my knees.
She needs this.
Me... gone.
“You’re all I’ve got, Sparkle. You’re everything to me,” I mutter, stunned speechless by her request. She wants me to go away? No more morning runs, coffee stops, late-night phone calls, movie nights, or times with Ace and Jazzy? My stomach implodes on itself, dropping entirely with implications of what this will mean. She takes my surprise as her cue to continue.
“I’m not meant to be your everything, Tobe. You know it as much as I do. We were destined to break each other, not fix each other.” Tears spring in my eyes as hers pour over. “I’ll always love you, but it’s not the kind of love that’ll last. Not the love you deserve—definitely not the life you deserve,” she finishes, her voice smaller than I’ve ever heard it. My best friend, the one I’ve spent my entire life loving, caring for, and wanting, she wants me out of Hollow Ridge, my home.
She sobs, noticing my silent tears. Her shoulders shake, almost as if this admittance hurt her more than me. All this time, she knew—she knew it’d never be more, but she selfishly clung to me—stealing all my opportunities to find and secure a forever kind of love. She did that. And actually coming to terms with this hurts a hell of a lot worse than I thought.
“Okay,” I concede, realizing this would be the last gift I’d give her. I won’t argue or fight it; I’ll just let it happen. Because regardless of how much we both wrecked each other’s lives, she deserves to be happy. As does my brother. Even if he hates me once again. Even if I did this. Even if I deserve every disgust-filled word he slings my way.
She doesn’t say anything else but rises up and kisses my forehead as I’ve done to her on so many occasions. My eyes close on their own accord, absorbing the last morsel of love she offers. She lingers for a moment too long before pulling away.
“Goodbye, Sparkle,” I whisper, my heart detaching from my chest with my last flattened words.
But it’s too late because she’s already gone.
I walked away. For once, I did the selfless and right thing. To my own stupidity, I thought it’d make me feel better, but it didn’t. All I feel is this insatiable loneliness. One deeper than the bottomless ocean, vast and wide and never-ending.
Now, I’m stuck on repeat like she was once before. Except in this story, I don’t have someone to rein me back—to fix me—to save me.
She had me.
I have no one.
Two months ago, I woke up in some random hotel, deciding to stop boozing it up. It should be simple enough, right? This isn’t how my story has to end, which is why I made