of fresh morning mist, like dipping your feet in the lake on a hot summer day, like finishing a really good book.
I need you to breathe.
I close my eyes and breathe in time with the rhythm of my husband’s heartbeat.
Chapter 23
Dean
December 19
Surgery. Liv’s surgery.
I try to tell myself that in the grand scheme of surgeries people can have, a lumpectomy is not that horrible. The reason for it sends me into a rage, and the unknowns still lurk like monsters, but the actual surgery isn’t as invasive as many others.
“I can still go with you,” Nicholas offers, as he watches Liv making a sandwich for his lunchbox.
She smiles and bends to press her lips against his hair. “Thank you, sweetie, but I’ll be fine.”
Her comment eases my own tension. She’ll be fine. Of course she will. There’s no other option here. No other ending.
Kelsey stops by the house at six to pick up the kids, even though neither one is ready to go. She’s carrying a wicker basket overflowing with violets. Nestled in the greenery are a dozen silk butterflies, the wings so delicate they move as if they’re alive.
“Found it on the front porch,” she says.
“Oh, how lovely.” Liv’s expression softens with pleasure as she turns the basket around to look at the flowers from all sides.
“A butterfly present.” Bella hurries over from the sunroom and climbs onto a stool. “Are they real?”
“No, they’re made of silk, Snowbell,” I tell her.
“Maybe we’ll get real butterflies,” Nicholas says. “And we could build the greenhouse.”
He looks at me pointedly, not having given up his quest to revive Leonard Morris’s butterfly garden.
“Maybe one day,” I say, not wanting to dash his hopes entirely.
“Do you know who’s sending them?” Kelsey asks.
I shake my head, though increasingly I suspect either Florence Wickham or one of Liv’s mom friends have something to do with this.
“It’s a mystery.” Nicholas grabs a spoon, pretending to use it as a magnifying glass as he peers at the bouquet. “We need to start dusting for fingerprints.”
“Come on, Sherlock.” Kelsey ruffles his hair. “Go get dressed. I’m taking you and Bella to breakfast at the Pancake House.”
“Really? Woot!” He does a little celebratory thing that looks vaguely like the chicken dance. “Can I have chocolate milk and chocolate-chip pancakes with whipped cream?”
“Sure, but don’t tell your mom.” Kelsey flashes Liv a grin.
“Sprinkles,” Bella shouts.
“Is Uncle Archer coming with us?” Nicholas asks, still flapping his arms victoriously.
“He’s meeting us there.”
“Let’s go, kids,” Liv says. “Don’t want to miss out filling up on sugar before school. Lucky teachers.”
Nicholas and Bella rush upstairs ahead of her. Kelsey pours herself a cup of coffee and joins me at the table, her laser-blue gaze seeing right through me.
“You want me to come to the hospital to wait with you after I drop the kids at school?” she asks.
“No, I’ll be okay.”
She takes a sip of coffee, still eyeing me with too much perception.
“Do you remember when I went a little nuts after my father died?” she asks. “Partying too much, bad relationships, cursing the world.”
“I remember.”
“You dogged me like the stubborn ass you are, refusing to let me push you away no matter how hard I tried,” she continues. “And when you realized you couldn’t get me through it alone, you called in the cavalry.”
I almost smile. “Your mother.”
“No way could I battle both you and her,” Kelsey says, shaking her head in amusement. “It was a great thing you did. I didn’t think so at the time, but if it hadn’t been for you and her, I might never have straightened out.”
“Yeah, you would have.”
“I know I’m amazing, but this isn’t about me.” She nudges my leg under the table. “My point is that you’ve asked for help before. You can do it again.”
Though I know she means well, irritation crawls through me. I’m not the one who needs help right now. Not even close.
“Dean—”
“We hired a nanny to help with the kids.”
“I’m not talking about the kids.”
I shake my head, blocking her concern. “Forget it. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” She leans closer, her eyes flashing with determination. “You’re acting like you’re fine because that’s what you do, but you’re angry and scared and you don’t want to put the burden of all that on Liv. So you’re going into full action mode to deal with this. And Liv is struggling enough as it is, so between that and the kids, she can’t figure out how to help you too. So I’m here to