the coffeepot and turn to the counter, where Florence Wickham is sitting with her paramour, Mr. Jenkins.
“Hey, Liv, what do you call a fake noodle?” Mr. Jenkins asks.
“What?” I reply dutifully.
“An impasta!” He chortles and claps his hands.
I smile in response. “Are you packing enough jokes for your trip to Florida?”
“Oh, he has a suitcase full,” Florence says with a sigh, though she gives Mr. Jenkins a look of pure devotion. “By the way, Olivia, thank you for checking in on the house watering the plants while we’re gone. I’m a little worried about my peace lily.”
“Happy to do it.”
“I need either a stiff drink or a cookie,” announces a female voice. “Maybe both.”
We all glance up as Kelsey comes through the front door, her red heels clicking on the floor as she strides to the counter. Archer slides out from under the cold case and gets to his feet, his gaze going to her like an arrow.
“Oh no.” Kelsey holds up her hand. “Don’t give me that look, Archer West.”
Instead of seeming affronted by her sharp tone, a slow grin spreads over his face. “Are you a premier member yet?”
“I am,” Florence says.
“Florence, I’m surprised you’re not the president,” Kelsey remarks, sitting on a stool beside the other woman.
“What’s going on?” Allie asks.
Kelsey reaches into her bag for her cell phone as Archer approaches the counter. For some reason, he looks rather pleased with himself.
“Insufferable,” Kelsey mutters, scrolling on her phone. “That’s what he is. Insufferable.”
She holds out her phone to show us the ending of the clip of Archer’s dog rescue. The screen flashes with the words:
Join the Archer West Fan Club
All Archer, all the time!
“Really?” Allie says with delight, grabbing the phone from Kelsey. “Archer has his own fan club?”
“A very well-deserved one,” Florence says warmly, reaching across the counter to squeeze Archer’s biceps.
I peer over Allie’s shoulder as she pulls up the fan club website, which is filled with Storm Hunters screenshots of Archer, as well as candid shots that someone in town must have taken. There are clips of his appearances on Storm Hunters and message boards to discuss “All Things Archer West.”
“Seven hundred members already,” Allie says. “Look at these topics. Your Favorite Archer Episode. Archer Encounters. All About Archer. Oh my god.”
She stops and looks at Kelsey. “Did you see this?”
“See what?”
“This.”
Allie holds out the phone to show us the forum topic Archer and Kelsey.
“Uh oh,” I mutter, knowing Kelsey and Archer have always been careful about revealing too much about their personal relationship on Storm Hunters. Viewers know they’re together, but they make a point of being professional on-screen to maintain as much privacy as possible.
So much for that, apparently.
Allie scrolls through the forum messages, which reveal two factions—the “’shippers” who are all for a relationship between Archer and Kelsey (“Archey for life!”) and those who would rather see Archer with anyone but Kelsey (“Omigod, she is so wrong for him! He’s such a hottie!”).
I get a chocolate-chip cookie out of a jar and put it on a plate for Kelsey. “How long has this been live?”
“Two days.” Kelsey bites into the cookie. “The hottie over there told me he set up an account for me so I could participate in the fangirling.”
“Well, you’re all over me every day anyway.” Archer shrugs. “Might as well make it official.”
Kelsey throws me a how do I live with him? look.
“Whoa.” Allie’s eyes widen as she scrolls through the website. “Did you see this one? They’re calling you Cruella de Vil.”
“What?” Kelsey grabs the phone back.
I move to look over her shoulder. Sure enough, a whole faction of Archer fans is deriding Kelsey for calling the dog a “mangy creature” and refusing to let it into the back of the armored car.
She is SUCH a Cruella de Vil! How can Archer even like her? She totally would have made a coat out of that dog if HE hadn’t rescued it! Does PETA know about C de V?
“I didn’t want the dog in the car because we had all the computer equipment in the backseat,” Kelsey says in exasperation. “The dog would have gotten it all wet and muddy and ruined it completely. And for the record, it was a mangy creature.”
“Well, the battle lines are clearly drawn,” Allie says.
Archer and Kelsey lock gazes. A sizzle of heat flickers between them.
“Good thing we’re on the same side,” he remarks.
“Choose your weapons, tough guy,” Kelsey murmurs.
“Prepare to surrender, storm girl.”
“Oh my god, get a room, you two,”