I knew everything in my life had been leading up to that moment when Dean West and I promised each other a sweet, hot forever.
Chapter 14
Olivia
December 5
“A nanny?” I stare at Dean across the table. “I don’t want the kids to have a nanny.”
He twists a loop of string around his fingers, his expression grave.
“Neither do I,” he admits. “But with midterms coming up, I can’t cancel classes or ask my grad students to substitute too often. I’m not going to miss your doctors’ appointments either. The university has a policy for faculty absences if family members are ill, but I need to apply in advance. And I’m going to want to take as much time off as possible the next few months.”
My stomach hurts. I haven’t yet thought about how this will affect Dean’s work. I don’t want to think about that.
“We can just make the appointments around the kids’ schedules,” I suggest.
“We already know how difficult it is to schedule doctors’ appointments, so we can’t expect to be able to do that,” he says. “A nanny makes sense.”
I stare down at my cup of tea. After Nicholas was born, my good friend Marianne had been an invaluable help to us before she moved out of town. And when Dean and I lived in Paris, we had an au pair for Nicholas and Bella. Marie-Laure was a lovely young woman who fit easily into our family, stayed with us when Dean had to travel, and helped me in ways I will never be able to measure.
Both Marianne and Marie-Laure had been our friends and nannies through a choice that Dean and I made. I appreciated the help, and he felt better about traveling because he knew someone was with me and the children.
But this? Now we might need a nanny because I’m facing surgery and treatments that could make it difficult for me to do anything.
“Mommy, look!” Bella spreads her arms out and tiptoes along a line of grout on the tile floor. “I’m a typerope walker.”
I smile weakly and give her a hollow, “Great, honey,” response. Already and even with Dean’s help, it feels like it takes more effort than usual to get the kids ready for school. The rational part of me knows a nanny would be helpful.
Tears push at my eyes. I blink them back, telling myself I’m being silly. For heaven’s sake, I should be grateful we can afford a nanny. And I am. I just wish we didn’t need one.
“All right.” I swallow my pride, the taste bitter and cold going down my throat. “A lot of experienced nannies post their information on the bulletin boards at the café. I’ll get some names.”
“I’ll check with the university childcare department too,” Dean says.
“Shouldn’t we tell people before we hire a nanny?” I ask. “I mean, we’ll have to tell her what’s going on. And we have to tell Nicholas and Bella.”
“We will.” The string snaps out of Dean’s fingers. “After we decide on a doctor and have a plan in place.”
My jaw tightens with the effort of biting back a petty, unnecessary comment that I’m the one who has to choose the doctor, and the doctor is the one who will come up with a plan. Because I know—better than anyone, better even than Dean himself—that this action-driven approach is my husband’s way of coping.
I have to let him do what he needs to do. And I have to keep our lives peaceful and calm, both for our sake and that of our children.
We will not live in a place where anger and fear can fester. Dean and I fought too hard for each other, for our children, for our life together. Nothing will change what we have.
Not even this.
“I can’t wait to see what Archer has up his sleeve.” I finish watering the peace lily and check the other potted plants Florence Wickham has around her house. “Whatever it is, it’s throwing Kelsey completely off her game.”
When Dean doesn’t respond, I glance at him. He’s standing by the door waiting for me, his attention fixed on his phone.
“Dean?”
He looks up. “What?”
“You weren’t listening to anything I was just saying.”
“Sorry.” He scratches his head and turns his attention back to his phone. “I got an email from a doctor at the Mayo Clinic about drug trials. Looks like there are a number of them starting early next year.”
“I don’t want to look into trials before I even have a doctor or a treatment plan.”
“We still