than with a complete stranger. And maybe me having been your husband’s student helps a little too. I realise that what happened was really hard on you and your family, but I remember him as a good man. Perhaps he thought he was making it easier on you, even though it wasn’t.’
‘You’re very kind,’ said Grace. ‘Is there anything you’d like to tell me? You know, quid pro quo?’
Deira smiled. There were things she could have told her. But as hers was a far more selfish story than Grace’s, she wasn’t going to say a word.
Chapter 12
Loire-Atlantique, France: 47.1987°N 1.6537°W
After they’d finished their meal, Deira drove them back to the Hotel Atlantique, where she popped another couple of painkillers. She decided to remain in the garden, but Grace went back to her room and sat at the window, shocked that she’d spilled her story to a complete stranger. She’d never been the sort of person to confide in others, preferring to keep her own counsel. She’d never spoken about her life with Ken to anyone; never confessed that he sometimes made her feel inadequate or asked aloud if enduring really was as good as loving. Because in the end, her marriage had worked for her. They’d been a good partnership. People had envied them. And she’d liked that.
Yet she’d blurted out everything to Deira O’Brien and she couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t as though Deira was the type of warm, open person who invited confidences. If anything, she was a little distant. Was that it? Grace wondered. Had she been able to share with Deira precisely because she wasn’t the sort of woman who’d wrap her arms around her and encourage her to have a good cry? Grace was uncomfortable around people who believed you should wear your heart on your sleeve the whole time. She preferred to keep her heart hidden, like it was supposed to be.
It had been a big surprise to learn that Deira had once been her husband’s student, but even more surprising to hear what she’d said about him. And the things he’d said about Grace. Because Ken hadn’t been a heart-on-his-sleeve kind of person either. The phrase ‘Amazing Grace’ repeated over and over in her mind, both soothing and annoying her. If her late husband had really believed she was all that amazing – if he’d believed it enough to actually say it to his students – then surely he could have said it to her face at least once. Had he meant it when he’d told his students that she didn’t like self-indulgent nonsense? And had he really spoken of her in public as warmly as Deira had implied? She would have loved to have heard those words from him. Over the years of their marriage, Grace had convinced herself that Ken put up with her more than loved her, that she was the lesser of the two in the relationship. She had always been intimidated by his intellect, and horribly aware that while he had a string of qualifications, she hadn’t even made it to college. Part of the reason she’d kept her own feelings in check was because she didn’t want to appear foolish in front of him. Now she wondered if it had bothered her more than it had bothered him.
She wished he’d confided in her more. She wished they’d been closer in those last few months. She wished he was here so she could say all this to him now.
She looked at the list of documents on the laptop screen and entered another random selection of letters and numbers.
Password incorrect.
A sudden thought occurred to her, and she tried ‘Amazing Grace’ as a password, but that was incorrect too. Then, more out of hope than any belief, she entered ‘Maeve Binchy’. For one glorious moment she thought she’d cracked it, because the little coloured ball on the screen started to spin, but then the ‘password incorrect’ message came up again.
She stared at the screen for a moment, then closed the laptop and brought it downstairs with her.
Deira was sitting at the outside table, a glass of soda water in front of her. She looked up in surprise at Grace’s return.
‘You said you’d help me in any way you can,’ Grace said as she sat down beside her. ‘So can you help me now?’
‘Of course. How?’ asked Deira.
‘I mentioned earlier he’d left me some puzzles to solve,’ said Grace, who went on to explain about the locked documents and her unsuccessful