then you delivered your hammer blow and you brought out the worst.’
‘I never thought you’d lose it like this,’ said Gavin.
‘Neither did I. But then I never thought you’d get another woman pregnant either.’
‘Which bothers you more?’ asked Gavin. ‘That I met her or that she’s pregnant?’
‘That you shattered what I thought was our life together into a million pieces,’ she replied.
They looked at each other in silence for a moment.
‘I’m sorry it worked out that way,’ said Gavin.
‘Why didn’t you tell me that you didn’t love me any more? Why didn’t you give us the chance to talk about it?’
‘Because I’d been through that already with Marilyn and I wasn’t prepared to do it all again,’ said Gavin.
‘It was cruel and heartless.’
‘I didn’t mean it to be. I thought it would be easier in the long run. I didn’t know you’d go off at the deep end.’
‘Lots of things about me you didn’t know, apparently, despite our thirteen years together.’
‘Look, I’ve said I’m sorry and I am,’ said Gavin. ‘But we need to put it all behind us. We need to talk about dividing our assets. I’m entitled to a share in this house.’
‘Even though it’s not a family home. Because you don’t consider us a family.’
‘We’re back to that again?’ His tone betrayed his exasperation with her. ‘You’re jealous of the fact that Afton’s pregnant.’
‘Jealous isn’t the word,’ she responded. ‘I’m gutted that you denied me a child yet you were prepared to cheat on me and get her pregnant.’
‘I never denied you a baby,’ said Gavin. ‘If we were still together, you wouldn’t even be thinking about it, would you?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said.
‘I do. I remember our conversations. You wanted to live your best, most successful life. And that didn’t include children. You said they’d be inconvenient. That they wouldn’t fit in with our lifestyle.’
‘Of course I did. Because that was the way we were living. Because you said you’d already done the children thing. Because you didn’t want Mae and Suzy to feel put out by another child.’
‘You agreed with that.’
‘You wanted me to!’ cried Deira. ‘I thought you were right.’
‘I was right,’ said Gavin. ‘In our relationship, it was absolutely the right choice. But with Afton, it’s different.’
‘You don’t mind Mae and Suzy being put out by Afton’s baby, but you did about ours?’
‘They’re older now. They can handle it.’
‘I’m older too,’ said Deira. ‘Maybe too old to have a baby of my own. And that’s down to you.’
‘You’d be a crap mother,’ said Gavin. ‘You’re a career woman through and through.’
‘A career wouldn’t have stopped me from being a mother.’
‘Don’t fool yourself,’ said Gavin. ‘Nobody can have it all. Not even you.’
‘I never wanted it all.’
‘Deira . . .’ His voice softened. ‘I’m sorry. I really am. I thought we were OK together. I never meant for this to happen.’
‘But you couldn’t help yourself.’
‘I really couldn’t,’ he said. ‘I met Afton and I knew.’
‘Exactly the way you met me and you knew.’
‘Except that we’re at different points in our lives now.’
‘I was younger than Marilyn. Afton is younger than me.’
‘That’s got nothing to do with it.’
‘Hasn’t it?’
‘No. It’s about needing someone. Knowing they’re right for you.’
‘And junking the past because it doesn’t suit you.’
‘I didn’t junk my past when we were together. I looked after my family.’
‘But as I’m not your family, you don’t have to look after me.’
‘What do you want from me, Deira?’ he asked. ‘What will make you let me move on?’
She didn’t answer.
Gavin stood up and walked into the kitchen. It took a moment for Deira to remember that she’d left her laptop open on the counter. She jumped up herself. She didn’t want him to see that she’d been looking at IVF sites. She didn’t want him to think she was totally obsessed.
But she was too late. He was standing in front of it.
‘You’re thinking about this?’ he asked. ‘Really?’
‘It’s my only option. Well, that or dragging in a random stranger off the street. Which I’ve also considered.’
‘You’re crazy.’
‘You have two children and you’re about to have a third by a different woman,’ she said. ‘What’s so crazy about me wanting one of my own?’
He looked at her, and then back at the computer.
‘You’d be in your forties before you’d have the kid. If you even did.’
‘I know.’
‘And yet you’d still do this?’
‘What choice do I have?’
‘Come upstairs,’ he said abruptly. ‘Come upstairs and we’ll do it once, and if it works then it works and you won’t