edges.
Was there a lesson to be learned from my dream about Storm? And why had I dreamed it now, while in bed with Journey?
“I think I know,” I said, and the frame of his hands on my face suddenly tightened.
I peeled his fingers away from my skin. Gazing down at them, I searched for the words and the courage to speak them as I noted the differences between his hand and mine. His tattoos told a story of where he’d been, like the stickers on his guitar cases, and maybe also what was important to him.
The ink on his knuckles spelled love in gothic print. Did he insist on temporary hookups to avoid what he most wanted? That was what I wanted to believe, and it seemed like a sign to note that tat right now. I lifted my gaze, finding him watching me and waiting for my answer.
Sometimes you only get one chance, I thought, and the advice of others scrolled through my mind.
It’s what you do that matters.
You only fail if you stop trying.
When you share, you don’t feel so alone.
Reach for what you want.
All that advice was sound, but what mattered most was what I found in Journey’s eyes. Even cold, they were solid. Maybe my truth would melt the ice.
“I’m falling for you,” I said softly, and he drew back. Not a good sign, so I rushed on. “From the beginning, I’ve felt more than I should, more than you probably wanted me to, but that’s just the way it is. I like you. I like being with you. I feel less alone when I’m with you, and I think maybe you care for me more than you let on. It feels like you do when you touch me.”
When he dropped his gaze, I tightened my grip on his hands, swirling in a cyclone of uncertainty.
Glancing up, he said, “I should deny it.” His expression was firm, but his eyes were molten heat. “I should end this now.”
“Why would you want to? Why end what feels like a beginning? Why even try?”
“My sweet Lotus, there is a reason. A truth I tried to share with you after we were together the first time.” Journey withdrew his hands and sat up. The white sheet puddled around his trim waist like melted frost. He stared at me, a battle waging behind his eyes as he raked his masculine fingers through his thick hair.
His fresh scent rained down on me, and I sat up too.
Was it a rain to nurture something happening between us? Or was it a driving rain to strike it down before it could even start? I didn’t know and braced myself, though I wanted to throw my arms around him and hold him instead. He looked torn and unsettled, and him looking that way made me feel the same.
“Why didn’t you tell me before the first time?” I asked softly.
“Because I wanted you too badly,” he said, his eyes flaring. “I still do.”
I liked that answer. “Afterward then?”
“Saber called, and I got mad.”
“You thought I lied to you.” I remembered him throwing the plant against the wall.
“Even more than that, I was jealous, furious that my . . . that Saber had you before me. That he had something I realized I could never have—your love.”
“He had it. Past tense. He doesn’t anymore.”
“No?” Journey’s eyes searched mine.
“No,” I said firmly, doing some searching of my own and finding the hope I sought in fields of rich brown earth. “You’re the only one in my thoughts now.”
“Lotus.” He let out a long throaty groan that I felt resonate everywhere. His gaze blazed, emerald flames flickering, not to burn but to warm.
Journey reached for me. Gripping my shoulders firmly, he brought me forward. Only inches separated us, but it felt like I’d walked through seasons and wind-driven miles to regain the ground my admission had nearly lost.
Storm
“YOU’RE THE ONLY one in my thoughts too.”
Blasting everything to hell, I told Lotus the fucking truth, feeling like a bigger bastard than I already did for doing so.
But how could I not? She was everything I wanted, so beautiful and brave for putting her feelings right out there. Yet there was still one important unhidden truth between us, though it wasn’t the only one.
Wanting an out, being a coward, I’d held back my identity too long. I knew in my bones once that truth was revealed, even friendship with Lotus would be lost. I should never have touched her that