opened and closed with my frustration. “Ones that you’re less than supportive about. You gave me a ton of grief about coming up to LA to do this one for Ash.”
“I wanted you to come with me to Joshua Tree.”
“That was band business. Your job versus mine.” Frustrated, I wanted to stomp my foot. “I needed the money for doing this job for Ash.”
Saber scoffed. “You barely make ends meet with all your jobs.”
“The same could be said at one time about you.”
“Not anymore.” He shook his head, no curls in his gaze, no long hair to swish his broad shoulders, just layers of tousled brown hair darker than Journey’s. “Not since signing with Outside.”
“Yes, you have your advance now. I’m happy for you. Truly. But that’s your commitment, a commitment that takes priority over me.”
“Yes, but having a commitment isn’t a bad thing.”
“Right, but you don’t get it, even though I’ve told you many times. I can’t keep accepting second place.” I pointed to myself. “I deserve better. I deserve someone who believes in me and my dreams as much as his.”
But do I really? After my one-night stand and the rejection that followed, doubt rocked me.
“Your little plant business, you mean?” Saber asked.
“It’s little now,” I said evenly, trying not to be defensive. “But maybe one day the need for succulents and native California plants will catch on.” The few customers who found me at the pier often commented on how much they liked my unique gift presentation and the cards with my poems.
Saber shook his head. “To catch on, you’re going to need to have a storefront. That’ll take a major amount of cash to get started, far more than the couple hundred each month that I can spare to give to Mrs. Nowak to help with your rent.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders, gripping them firmly. “I do have an eye on you and your dreams. Why do you think I’ve been busting my ass so hard this past year trying to get somewhere with the band?”
“What? Wait.” My eyes rounded. “Back up a minute. What did you just say about my rent?”
“Shit.” Saber squeezed his eyes shut for a second. Regret shimmered in them when he opened them again. “I didn’t mean for you to know about that.”
“You’ve been helping me with the rent,” I choked out. “All this time, I thought it was only Mrs. Nowak being kind because of my dad.”
Saber gave me a sheepish look. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel beholden to me about it. I just wanted to make things a little easier for you. You struggle so hard to make ends meet.”
“Thank you.” My heart squeezed like he gripped it in his hands instead of just my shoulders.
“You’re welcome.” His expression softened. “Can you forgive me for the rest? For not making you the priority that I should have?”
This time, it was me who squeezed my eyes shut.
Saber was right here in front of me, but it was Journey I saw when I closed my eyes. However, Journey was only a fantasy. A brief indulgence. I was alone in wanting anything more.
I opened my eyes and nodded. “Okay,” I said, accepting the reality right in front of me, something I was more accustomed to doing. It had been a long time since I’d indulged in fantasies. “I can forgive you.”
But as I extended that forgiveness, my stomach churned. Saber was a known choice, but knowing him, I didn’t have a lot of faith in him making the changes I needed him to make for us to work.
“Great, babe.” He grinned. “You won’t regret it.”
“But we have to start over,” I said as uncertainty filled me, weaving itself within my mixed emotions. “We have to fix what went wrong. Combine our dreams. Go forward from now on together as a team with no more secrets, not even ones like the rent between us.”
Lotus
“DONE,” SABER SAID, and rather than take flight, my stomach nosedived.
He lifted me onto my toes. Spontaneous displays of affection not being his thing, he caught me by surprise when he slammed his mouth down onto mine. The kiss was over so fast, it barely qualified as a kiss. But it did. It qualified. Saber was reclaiming me with his stamp of ownership.
I was his again, but I felt like a slut. I’d had sex with one man tonight, only to kiss another after. My stomach jumped off the floor and clawed