show after debuting the improved single. Though the crowd gathered in front of the stage called out titles, wanting to hear other OB Hardy songs, Saber told them we were through for the night.
Truth was, we couldn’t do a full set list. Not yet. We hadn’t rehearsed them together.
We had a long way to go as a band, but we were on the cusp of something. I could feel it, an electrical hum beneath my skin like hitting the perfect power chord. If we played this right, meaning if Saber could get his authoritative head out of his ass, we could be a really good group.
We?
Fuck.
The collective idea of a band had snuck up on me. Returning to Ocean Beach had gotten to me, awakening memories and longings I’d tucked away.
And Lotus had gotten to me.
From the moment I saw her in LA, I’d thought she was beautiful, sure, but she was also compelling and so refreshingly honest. The seeds for who she would become had been there all those years ago when she was just a kid.
Circumstances should have snuffed out all the good stuff. They had in me, but with her, they hadn’t. She was strong, resilient, and beautiful, exactly like the flower she was named for, only she wasn’t in the developmental stages anymore. Lotus was now in full bloom.
I wanted to acknowledge that, admit who I was, and surrender my weary cynicism at her feet, but I didn’t have a right to. I’d left, leaving her to endure on her own without anyone helping her.
What kind of best friend had I been? It wouldn’t be right for me to swoop in and offer to resume our friendship after all the hard work had been done. When the goodness was all on her side. When she would be at a disadvantage. When I needed her as a friend far more than she needed me.
Dropping my gaze, I closed the latches on my guitar case. As I lifted it, I noticed a young, pretty blonde walk up to Cork. She smiled shyly at him, and he smiled encouragingly at her.
I returned my gaze to Lotus to see if she noticed. She did, but I couldn’t get a read on what she thought. She dipped her head too quickly, resuming filling drinks. But I desperately wanted to know what she thought about Cork, about the band. I wanted, needed to talk to her.
One of the Outside roadies appeared, and I turned my guitar over to him. Ash had enlisted several guys to bring over our instruments from the studio.
Determined to talk to Lotus, I jumped off the stage and headed in her direction. Unfortunately, Saber beat me to her.
She glanced up and frowned in response to whatever he said, then shook her head. He touched her arm and said something else.
I moved closer. I had to be closer, feeling as territorial about her as he was. Only I’d been dealing with that feeling since I was a teen. Besides that, it had been too long since I’d looked directly into her eyes, and her into mine.
Preoccupied with Saber, she didn’t notice my approach. Neither did he. They were deep in a conversation, one I was close enough to overhear.
“No, Saber. Just no.” Her eyes were a fiery reddish-brown. “You left me hanging all day while you deliberated on whether or not I was worth the trouble. That hurt. I think you meant for it to hurt. Retaliation for me having sex with Journey, even though you know we were broken up then.”
Tension whipped through me at the memory of how upset I’d been when he’d called her that night.
“That’s not love,” she said firmly. “Not any kind worth having. That’s possessiveness and manipulation.”
Saber’s eyes narrowed. “You’re just saying that because you’re angry at me. You know I love you. I’ve proven it to you time and time again. But you’re right, I was upset. I have a temper. I needed to cool off before talking to you again.”
“I love you,” she said softly, dropping her head, and I felt those three words like a blade piercing the center of my chest. “But I can’t allow you to keep treating me like that anymore.”
“Treat you well, you mean,” he said snidely, and her head snapped up, her eyes flashing. “I’ve been too understanding about all of your shit. Most girls—”
“I’m not most girls,” she said quickly, cutting him off, and she was entirely right. “I’m not your girl anymore.”
“Your brother’s