we know of right now, and if a person’s blood has rare antigens or they lack a common antigen, then you have a rare subtype, which means finding donors becomes a real headache, but since my blood has no Rh antigens, I’m a universal donor for a lot of these people.”
Alex regarded him carefully. The first whispers of understanding were there, even if Alex hadn’t connected all the dots yet.
“Doctors use my blood only in extreme cases, but the thing is, there are, like, nine Rhnull donors in the whole world, so there’s not a lot of blood to go around.” Noah combed his fingers through Alex’s hair, the gesture calming his nerves a bit. “In that sense, I’m pretty fucking rare.”
“You’re definitely that,” Alex said slowly, for once abandoning all the jokes and teasing. But Noah knew they were talking about two different things. Knew that for Alex, Noah’s rarity wasn’t about the blood that ran through his veins. For Alex, Noah was special—had always been special—because of the person Noah was.
The look in Alex’s eyes made Noah want to cry. He knew right then and there with unparalleled certainty that Alex was the one. He’d thought it once before, on that long-ago July day in Portland. In the following years, he’d tried to convince himself that he’d imagined it all. But he knew. Had always known. Alex was his everything.
And with that knowledge came acceptance. He’d been torn ten years ago. Torn between what he wanted and what was right. God, he’d been so young back then, and faced with an impossible decision, he’d thought he’d made the right one. And in some sense, it was. In some sense, Noah’s decision back then would always be the selfless one. The admirable one. The right one.
And maybe if he’d never seen Alex again, things would have been different, and Noah could have found some peace in the selflessness of his actions. But Alex was here now.
And Noah knew.
He’d given Alex up once, but he could never do it again. No matter the cost. No matter the consequences. This time, he’d fight for Alex.
Noah slid his thumb down Alex’s cheek, tracking its journey with his eyes. “Have you ever donated blood?”
Alex snorted. “I tried once when I was nineteen. The minute I marked the box that asked if I’ve ever had sex with a man, I was—” He stopped abruptly, understanding slamming into him with the force of an anvil. Noah could see it and sense it in the way Alex’s body pressed against his.
Noah knew how that story went. “You were sent away.”
“Yeah, because two men having sex was obviously some kind of a satanic ritual designed to spread illness and misery everywhere. I was pretty much told to take a hike and never come back, so I just figured fuck them all,” Alex said slowly. “But you couldn’t do that, could you?”
“The night we were in Portland. When Mom took me away from the hotel?” Alex nodded, encouraging Noah to continue. “There was a little boy. An infant, really. He was only a couple of months old. He needed a transfusion because he’d been scheduled to have surgery, but his blood type was really rare.” Noah looked to the side. “They located me through the Rare Donor Program, only I couldn’t donate,” he whispered. “We’d just had sex, so I had to stand there and tell a bunch of really hopeful doctors that I was not going to be the one who could help them save the baby. His condition was worsening with every day that passed.”
“Did he die?” Alex asked in a low voice.
“No.” Noah shook his head. “I’d donated blood earlier in the summer, in Seattle. That… that was the week I was away from the center. After our first kiss.” Noah’s voice dropped to a whisper. He closed his eyes for a moment to gather himself.
“Blood can be used for forty-two days, so it was like blind luck that they were able to use my previous donation. They had to go through all that trouble to get it to Portland, so it would have definitely been easier for everybody if I could have made a new donation.” Noah let out a long breath, the thought of that day still making him feel shaky. “I felt awful. There were all those people there who were staring at me and judging me when Mom told them that I couldn’t make a donation because my blood’s been compromised.