a wall, they ended up standing on either side of the coffee table with Alex moving to the left as soon as Noah took a step to the right.
“Alex.” This whole situation was getting ridiculous.
“Noah,” Alex retorted, almost as if teasing Noah, but he didn’t look like he was having any fun at all.
“My doctor said it was okay. I mean, we should probably skip the acrobatically challenging poses for some other time, but I can definitely have the regular kind of sex. I want to. I’ve missed it. Haven’t you?”
Alex dragged his hand through his hair. The uncertainty in Noah’s voice had obviously gotten to him because there was a softness in his gaze as he looked at Noah. “I have. So much.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Alex was breathing in harsh pants as he closed his eyes and hung his head. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered.
Noah took a step closer, and this time Alex didn’t retreat. “You’re not going to lose me.” Another step. God, Alex looked broken. He kept hugging himself, a haunted look in his eyes. “But you’ve got to help me out here a bit. How is us having sex going to make you lose me?”
“I compromise your blood. You can’t donate and then if you get into another accident where will you get the blood?” Alex’s words bled into one another, the prospect making him hyperventilate as he lowered himself to the floor and hung his head between his raised knees.
“Okay. Not sure I like the way you phrased that, but let’s table that one for now,” Noah said slowly as he took a seat next to Alex and nudged him with his shoulder. “I hate to tell this to you, but we’ve already had sex.” He shrugged. “I still can’t donate.”
“But you could if we kept things platonic from now on,” Alex said quietly.
Noah blinked. “As in not have sex anymore?” he clarified.
Alex nodded, looking miserable. “I keep seeing you in that hospital bed,” he said. “And all I can do, night after night, is think about how it could have been worse. You could have needed surgery. There could have been internal bleeding. Fuck, I don’t even want to list all the other options, but I’m sure there are hundreds of reasons for people to need a blood transfusion, but regular people with regular blood don’t have to worry about there not being suitable blood for them.”
Noah nodded slowly. “Okay. I get it.”
He glanced at Alex and took his hand in his, linking their fingers. “The thing is,” he said with a measured voice, “I could also be poisoned.”
He glanced at Alex, who was staring at Noah like he’d gone crazy. “There could be a fire. I could be hit by lightning.” Noah hummed thoughtfully. “What else? Earthquake. Drowning. Plane crash. Snake bite. I could get my head stuck between the doors of an elevator and be decapitated.”
Alex slammed his palm over Noah’s mouth and glared at him in horror. “What are you doing?” he sputtered. “Is this supposed to reassure me somehow?”
Noah snorted at the scandalized expression on Alex’s face. He kissed Alex’s palm. “My point is, life is fragile. Bleeding to death is only one way to go. There are hundreds of other ways to die that have nothing to do with my blood.”
Alex glared. “If you thought you were making me feel better, you failed. Miserably.”
Noah laughed as he leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex’s arm went around him automatically, and Noah sighed and closed his eyes. This. This was where he was meant to be. “You could die, too, you know?” Noah said, glancing at Alex.
Alex looked up at the ceiling and muttered, “Dear God, he’s not done.” He looked at Noah, and at least some of the seemingly endless misery had been replaced by something akin to amusement. That was definitely a step in the right direction.
“Even with your completely unexceptional, run-of-the-mill blood, it’s not guaranteed things couldn’t go horribly wrong for you,” Noah said.
“Okay, I say this with love, but you suck at comforting.”
“We don’t know what the future will bring. None of us do, so sometimes you just gotta hope for the best because that’s all you can do.”
“Yeah, but we can lower the risks,” Alex argued.
“I already lower the risks. I never travel to a country that doesn’t have modern medicine. Truthfully, I don’t really travel at all. I don’t do extreme sports or any activity that entails an increased risk of getting hurt.