them had been as close as the three of us. And Gina was into everything they were—hustling, drugs, and all the violence that went along with that lifestyle. The last I’d heard a few years ago was that she was in pretty rough shape and had been admitted to a rehab center in California.
“She had a baby?” I asked.
“She adopted one.”
Garin’s teeth weren’t gritted, but they may as well have been. The pull of his lips, the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice all told me he didn’t want to discuss Gina or her daughter. He wanted to say something to me, and I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be pretty.
I didn’t deserve pretty.
I knew this was going to get me in trouble, but I didn’t care. “Do you want to talk?” I asked Garin.
“Not here.”
“Well, I’m—”
“Not here, Kyle. We’ll go to a bar or something.”
I was afraid of what he would ask, what he would want to know, but I owed him this. Even though I couldn’t tell him the truth, I owed him at least something.
I tried to calm the emotion in my chest as I looked over at my brother. “Are you going to come with us?”
His phone beeped, and he pulled it out of his pocket. “Fuck,” he said, reading the screen. “Something happened with work, and I have to go take care of it.” He glanced between Garin and me. “I’ll pick you up from the bar later.”
“I’ll give her a ride,” Garin said.
“Then, I’ll pick you up at the hotel in the morning and take you to the airport.”
“I have to be at the airport by six. I’ll just take a taxi.”
I’d spent more than enough time with my brother today. But I’d be seeing him again on the first when he made his monthly drive to Florida. He’d stay at my house for about twenty minutes, checking things out, leaving what he needed to, and then heading to my mom’s. She now lived on the other side of Tampa, and that was where he would sleep until he drove back to Jersey.
“Kyle, you sure about this?” Anthony asked.
It was a warning.
“Yes,” I said, giving him a hug that was all for show. “I’ll see you soon.”
Anthony gave me a final glare, and he went over to Billy’s mom. I wondered what he could possibly say to her to make this right. How he could look her in the face and lie. It was all so easy for him. He had no hole in his chest, no guilt in his heart.
We had nothing in common.
“I can’t believe you came back home,” Garin said.
Home. There was that dreadful word again.
I slowly shifted my attention to him. Those eyes. That face. So much dark scruff I wasn’t used to seeing on him. So much anger that was warranted.
“Honestly, I can’t either.”
That was the most honest I’d been all day.
“You’re heading back tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Flying out to…”
“Florida. I still live there.”
“Right.”
I knew he was living in Vegas, that he was the general manager of The V, a high-end hotel and casino on the strip. I Googled him more often than I should have.
Silence passed between us, but I still felt his emotion, his questions. I most definitely felt his coldness. “Garin—”
“Don’t. Let’s go.”
“Aren’t there people here you want to talk to?” I asked, grabbing his arm to stop him from moving. His eyes told me I needed to get my hand off him, so I immediately lifted it. “I just meant, I can wait for you outside if you want.”
“I’ve spoken to everyone I need to.”
And I’d spoken to no one but him and Anthony, which was more than enough.
“My car is out front,” he said, turning around and walking toward the door.
My anxiety built as I followed him, keeping my eyes on the floor, knowing I would be away from that shiny box in just a few seconds. From that puffy white fabric that lined it. From the still face of Billy, who never should have been inside. But I would also be alone with Garin, the man I had thought about every day since I left Atlantic City. The man who deserved so much more than I was about to give him.
The man I could never tell the truth to because I would be in a box next to Billy’s.
Three
Garin
Twelve Years Ago
I opened my bedroom door and shrugged out of my jacket. As I rounded the corner to the bed, I saw