by. So, I could join her, and things could go back to the way they used to be because things were all fucked-up now. I’d bang on her front door; she wouldn’t answer. I’d call her place; she wouldn’t pick up. I’d wait outside her class; she’d walk the other way.
Something was wrong, and I was going to find out what it was.
I heard her humming as she came down the street. She hummed when she drew, and she hummed in the shower. I’d hear her from outside the bathroom when I’d wait for her in her room. I’d poke my head out of the doorway just so I could hear her. And I’d hope she’d open the door just a crack to let out some of the steam, and by chance, I’d catch a glimpse of her in her towel. It had happened a few times but not enough.
At least now I knew what her body felt like since we’d hooked up in my room the other night. Shit, that needed to happen again real soon. Maybe even tonight, and I wouldn’t make her go home. I didn’t know if I could have her spend the whole night without getting her naked, but I’d try.
Her humming got louder the closer she got, and when I finally saw her foot step across the entrance of the alley, I grabbed her waist and pulled her inside, pushing her back against the building.
“Ow!” she screamed, flailing her arms, her legs trying to kick me in the shins.
“Kyle, it’s me.” I grabbed her hands, and she stilled.
“Garin? What the hell? What are you doing? I thought—oh God, I thought you were going to hurt me.”
“Sorry.” I should have planned this better, and I probably shouldn’t have scared her. I was just afraid she’d run the other way if she saw me. “But you wouldn’t talk to me, so you gave me no other choice.”
“Let me go.”
“No, Kyle. Not until you talk to me.”
Her chest pumped real hard, as though she were trying to catch her breath, but she was breathing just fine. Her eyes were just a little watery. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me and why you haven’t been answering your door and why you’ve been acting so different since Paulie was killed.”
Her eyes started to really fill up, and her chin was quivering. “I can’t do this. Let me go.”
She tried wiggling out of my grip, and it only made me hold her tighter.
“What is wrong with you?”
“I need time.”
She was crying now, tears running down her cheeks. I just wanted to wipe them away, brush all the hair out of her face, straighten her jacket, and tuck it up under her chin, so she’d stop shaking. But if I let her go, I feared she’d take off running.
“I need time,” she repeated. “You need to give me that.”
“Time? Are you upset about Paulie? What is this about?”
When Paulie was killed, Kyle and I had both lost a friend. We’d known Paulie as long as we’d known each other. We’d grown up with him. At times, we hung out with him as much as we hung out with Billy. I knew Paulie meant a lot to Kyle. Shit, he meant a lot to all of us.
But she needed time? For what?
Nah, I didn’t believe that. Something else was going on here. She just wasn’t telling me what it was.
“It’s too much,” she said. “All of this is too much.”
She stopped looking at me, and her head now pointed toward the ground. I saw the tears dripping down the front of her jacket. She was pushing her back against the wall, holding herself as far away from me as she could.
“Kyle?” I softened my voice, hoping it would make a difference. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She finally looked up, but her expression had changed. She looked pissed off and irritated—a look I didn’t see from her all that often. And, even though her cheeks were wet, she had stopped crying. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Us. This. All of it. You need to give me a break, Garin.” The tone of her voice was the same one she used when she spoke about her ma, and she and her ma didn’t get along at all.
“Kyle, what the fuck are you saying? You’re done with me?”
“I’m asking you to get your hands off me and respect the space I need.”
I kept my hands