had built up to that moment.
I expected more, and…he’d just pulled away.
My feelings weren’t going to change. They hadn’t changed in the years since I realized what I really wanted from him. But I wasn’t going to fight with him tonight, and I didn’t want to beg.
Tomorrow night though?
Tomorrow night would be different. I wasn’t going to leave so easily. In fact, I wasn’t going to leave at all. I was going to sleep in his bed. With him…for the whole night.
Go slowly? Screw that. We’d gone slowly enough.
As I walked down Garin’s front steps, I opened the package of sugary doughnuts that he’d given me. He was always so worried about what I ate and how much. He knew these doughnuts were my favorite. He gave them to me for breakfast every morning; he would never let me go to school on an empty stomach. He just didn’t understand that I required less food than him. Over the years, my body had gotten used to the emptiness, the cramps, and the growling. There had been plenty of both tonight, but I was too worked up to be hungry. I was only going to eat these because he wanted me to.
I reached the sidewalk just as Paulie was walking out of his apartment. It was dark out. The light from his phone, held so close to his face, showed that he was scowling. His movements were exaggerated and as dramatic as mine.
“You okay, Paulie?” I asked.
When he saw me, he shoved his phone into his pocket and dug around until he finally found his keys. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I waved. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”
I walked past his front steps on the way to my place and bit into a doughnut. The powder soaked into my tongue and tickled the back of my throat. I almost coughed. I loved when it did that—when clouds of white came out of my mouth because something tasted so good.
The clouds always made me and Garin laugh.
“Hey, Kyle?”
I turned around.
Paulie was standing at his car door. “Has your brother been around?”
Paulie and Anthony were best friends. They talked to each other as much as I spoke to Garin and Billy, which was certainly more than I chatted with my brother. If Anthony was around, Paulie would have already known.
“No,” I said. “I haven’t seen him.” I scanned the cars that were parked in front of my apartment.
Anthony hadn’t been home when I’d left for Garin’s, and even though it was hard to see, it didn’t look like he had returned.
“You talked to him though?”
I tried to think of the last time.
“Nope. Not today.”
I watched as a car took a left onto our street and started driving toward us. It was hard to see the make and color; The Heart wasn’t well lit. Most of the streetlamps were out along with the lights outside our front doors. When the city replaced one of the bulbs, it would be stolen within a few hours. Lights showed faces; they showed dealings, they showed illegal things being exchanged between hands… they showed evidence. The Heart didn’t like that. The things that happened here needed to stay in the dark.
“Have you tried calling him?” I asked. “Maybe he just lost his phone or something.”
“He didn’t lose his phone. He…” His voice trailed off as the car got closer, and Paulie started walking toward the road.
The parked cars were blocking most of my view. But I was able to see Paulie’s profile and how the headlights were lighting up his legs and jacket and face.
I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him.
Something felt off—in the scowl on his mouth, in the questions he’d asked, in the way he moved farther into the street. In the way the car was coming toward him, driving so slowly.
Whatever that something was, it told me not to move. It told me to keep watching Paulie. It made everything inside me shake.
I’d lived in The Heart all my life. I knew how dangerous it could be. I’d learned at an early age to trust my gut. So, why the hell wasn’t I listening to it? Why were my feet moving me toward Paulie?
I felt the packet of doughnuts fall out of my hand just before I jumped over the curb. “Hey!” I yelled to get his attention. It didn’t work; he stayed facing the car. “Paulie, come here!”
Didn’t he see how slowly the car was moving? Didn’t he feel what I