the door and step out of the vehicle and watch as she drives off in her gleaming chrome Mercedes-Benz. After a moment I turn around and take in the apartment building, noting the cream-colored stucco walls and the units that are almost too close together.
It feels strange coming back here after everything I’ve gone through. And I dread having to go inside, knowing the questions that await me there. But I have to do it. I need someone to confide in.
My heart races as I make my way up the stairs and to my apartment with Natalie. By the time I reach the door, my breathing is heavy and ragged, a little from climbing the stairs and some from the crushing anxiety that I feel.
“What the hell is going on, Ari?” Natalie demands as soon as I step through the door.
My chest fills with warmth slightly at the sight of her. I haven’t seen her in days and I’m grateful to finally lay eyes on her face. She looks beside herself, her hair’s a mess, and it looks like she’s lost a few pounds in the little time since I last saw her.
“Your mug has been plastered all over the news!” Natalie hisses when I don’t answer right away. “It’s crazy!” She shakes her head in anger. “I tried getting into the courthouse to see you, but I couldn’t get inside.” She pauses, peering at me with concern. “Is it really true?”
“Is what true?” I ask.
“Did that Zander… Zander Payne… Did he really murder Danny to save you?” Natalie asks with intensity.
I stare at her for a long time, setting my keys down on the counter and recounting the last few weeks. It hurts to take in a breath as I look back at her wide, pleading eyes. Slowly, I nod my head. “He did… if he hadn’t...” my voice trails off as pain pulses my back. My wounds have been healing, but they still hurt like hell. I don’t know when the pain will stop. If it will ever stop. I’ll have scars for the rest of my life, but none of that matters compared to what Zander’s facing.
“Jesus,” Natalie mutters, shaking her head. “I can’t believe it.” She looks up at me, her eyes shining with relief. “Thank God you’re still alive.” She comes forward to give me a hug.
I hold her at arm's length. “Please don’t touch me.”
She covers her mouth quickly, pain reflected in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she breathes the words. She visibly swallows as I lower my arms. “He hit you? Right?” Danny did?” Her words are slow, said with a lowered voice.
I turn around and lift my shirt slightly up my back for a brief moment. Natalie recoils as I turn back around, her face twisting in disgusted disbelief.
Silence falls over the room for a moment.
“I need you to tell me everything,” Natalie says, finally breaking the silence. She looks shaken to the core, visibly trembling.
“I don’t want to talk, Nat.” My voice is soft. I don’t want to do anything except wait for Zander to be released. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes. He can’t go to jail for me for the rest of my life. I don’t think I could live with the guilt.
“Please, Ari?” she asks as I brush the tears away. “I’ve been worried sick about you since this all started. I don’t think I can go another minute without knowing what happened.” She shakes her head, tears filling her eyes. “Not after…” she pauses and swallows thickly, “seeing that.”
I suck in a trembling breath, more tears threatening to spill from my eyes. The pain in Natalie’s voice causes my knees to go weak and I feel like crumpling to the floor. I stumble over to the couch and sink down into the cushions, wanting to curl up into a tiny ball. Crossing my arms across my chest, I bite my lower lip and lower my head. The shame, guilt and anxiety are almost too much for me to take.
I’ve been a shitty friend, keeping secrets and leaving Natalie in the dark.
A moment later I feel the space beside me dip as Natalie takes a seat and a warm hand gently touches my shoulder.
“Please don’t do this,” Natalie begs, her heart in her voice. “Please don’t push me away right now.”
The pain in her words lances my chest.
“Ari?” she presses. “Please. My heart is aching.”
When I can manage over the lump in my throat, I tell her,