hot and heavy moments before, is replaced by a coolness that makes my skin burn.
He knows you’re hiding something, the voice at the back of my head says as my heart pounds wildly within my chest. And that you were going to safeword him.
I hate not being able to tell him the truth. But I’m not ready. Not ready to tell him, not ready to lose my V-card, I’m not even ready for a real M/s relationship … or whatever this is.
“Yes,” I barely manage with a strained whisper as he helps me to my feet.
My skin stings as he barely bothers to look at me as he examines me in the places where I was bound, making sure that I have good blood flow to those regions.
My lips part to tell him I’m sorry, that I’m a virgin and not sure if I’m ready, but then I close them. I’m not sure he’ll even care to hear my pathetic excuse for denying him. He just seems ready to leave.
And there’s no sense in making things worse.
Our session for tonight is over.
Chapter 8
Joseph
Lilly’s gone for the night. And yet again, I feel as though I’ve scared her off.
It’s my own damn fault, I’m still in shock.
I knew there was an innocence about her; I assumed it was because this lifestyle was new to her. But when my fingers slipped into her tight cunt even deeper, I felt her hymen. I couldn’t believe it. How could she keep something like that from me? The look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
I stare at the lush carpet as a couple passes me in the halls of Club X, remembering that look on her face. Scared and vulnerable… and raw. She was completely at my mercy in every way.
No wonder she’s taking this so slow.
This should ward me off of her. I should stay away for her own good. No matter how much she wants this, the mere fact that she’s a virgin is going to make what would be an erotic exploration into something emotional. I’m not an idiot. I won’t be fooled by the notion that she knows better. If I take this from her, there will be an attachment that can’t be undone.
It makes me even more of an asshole that that only fuels my desire to take her. I fucking wanted her right then and there. The moment I realized. I’m damn proud of my restraint, but my reaction made her run away… again. She’ll come back. I won’t let her slip through my fingers. Not that easily.
“Kiersten,” I call out to her as she walks through the main hall of Club X.
Her heels are muted on the carpet and her eyes whip up to me as she purses her lips and searches the empty hall.
“Quiet!” she snaps in a hushed voice, scowling at me and gripping my arm to pull me aside to a darkened corner. It’s comical that the sweet little woman thinks she can pull me around, but I let her. After all, she’s been a close friend of mine for a lifetime, and at this point, she’s the only person I trust.
“That’s not my name here.” Her voice is low and her eyes dart down the hall again, but it’s empty. The theme night has nearly everyone in the dining hall.
A chill goes through my blood. I forget sometimes. “I’m sorry… Madam Lynn,” I give her a small smile and she purses her lips, but I know she’s not angry with me. She’s too forgiving.
“What is it that you want?” she asks, crossing her arms and cocking a brow. I resist the urge to smirk at her. Here she’s in control, the Madame of the house. But I know her too well to look at her the way the other members do.
“I wanted to make a submissive an offer,” I clear my throat and tear my eyes away from hers for a moment. When I look back confusion is etched on her face, so I continue, “Outside of the auction.”
“Oh!” her posture relaxes slightly although she remains skeptical. “And what offer is that?”
“A monthly contract outside of the club. I’m willing to split the fees of course. I’m simply not interested in the charade of the auction.” I try to make my stance and voice casual, but the reality is that I don’t want my flower coming back here. Not until we both know she belongs to me and every person