sits on the sofa, staring straight ahead and for a moment, I pretend she isn’t talking to me. I’d just walked through the door. I stole for the first time. Christmas is next week and I know my mom needs shoes. Hers have holes in them. Mine do too, but I could only fit one pair in my coat. I was so afraid of getting caught. I think the cashier saw me, but let me walk out. I don’t know for sure. So for my shoes, I’ll have to go somewhere else. I’m too afraid that the cashier from before will recognize me.
I hear my mom talking about how I’m pathetic and weak, but I pretend those words aren’t meant for me. Like she’s talking to the wall she’s been staring at since I walked in. But I know she is, and when she finally turns to look at me, I can see she’s high again. “He wasn’t supposed to go to war. It’s your fault. It’s all because of you,” she sneers at me.
She tells me I drove him to leave. They fought because of me. He went to war because of me.
Sometimes she admits that she loved him. Those moments at least make me a little happy. I thought I was starting to imagine the memories of us being a family.
She doesn’t tell me she loves me. She doesn’t admit that.
But she does. I know she does.
The sound of the front door opening makes me move faster through the living room to my bedroom. I’m not safe there, but if I stay away, I may be able to avoid him beating on me.
“Yeah, run away, Isaac. Run away, just like your father did,” I hear her voice continue to taunt me as I shut the thin veneer door to my small room. “Run away, coward!”
I clear my throat and straighten my dark red tie, ignoring the painful past.
I fucking hate these suits. I have to wear them at the club, but I wasn’t meant to wear them. But again, it’s a romantic date of sorts. And I bought her a dress to wear.
It’s short, but elegant. A sparkling silver shift dress that’ll probably come off as soon as I get my hands on her, but I thought she’d like it. The way the fabric flows made me think of her twirling in it.
I hope that’s what she’s doing now, twirling in her room to make the ends of it swish around her upper thighs.
A small huff of a rough laugh leaves my lips as I sit down on the modern white sofa and take a look around.
It’s simple, but it’s something.
Champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries, a bracelet and candlelight. My gift to her. It’s not enough. I can never give her enough.
The thought makes my skin prick with a chill that runs from my shoulders down to my toes. I crack my neck and try to ignore the thoughts that have been creeping into my head late at night.
Seeing her family… did something to me. It reminded me of her purity. The life she’s working toward gaining back. The life she wants, although she doesn’t realize it. Again it makes me think I’m not a capable Master for her. It’s a life I don’t belong in.
I enjoy having her here. But the time with her family made it very obvious that this arrangement is temporary. She may not know it yet. She isn’t looking that far ahead.
Until it’s time, I’ll continue my role as her Master.
She does need to pick a collar. One that will suit her. It’s time that she wore one. It’s time to push my kitten a little. I won’t make her wear it until she’s ready, but she can choose which one she wants.
I picked out new anklets, too. Just to gauge her reaction.
I don’t want her to get so used to it that it replaces the shackle. I hate that she’s still using it. Although I’m not surprised, not really. She fears the memories more than she desires her freedom. Although the latter does seem to be taking on more of an edge since the bathroom incident.
Every time she takes it off, there’s still a hint of pain there.
She’s quick to put it back on after the shower.
One day she’ll take it off, and it will give her strength. When I’m a worthy Master for her.
The faint sounds of clicking heels from behind me snap me from my thoughts.
My heart stutters in my chest,