head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. You don’t want to listen to the problems of a semi-stranger you went out with twice.”
“I don’t have anywhere I need to be. And sometimes it’s easier to tell things to semi-strangers. Think of me as a sounding board,” he suggests.
“He doesn’t feel the same,” I say before I can think better of it.
“How do you know?”
“He told me.”
Max sends me a side-eyed look. “Really? The guy I saw at the restaurant and then at the bar sure as hell didn’t look like somebody who’s not into you. He was more like somebody who was thinking of strangling me for daring to go out with you.”
I shake my head. I hate that my heart gives a hopeful lurch.
“He told me it was just sex. You can’t get any clearer than that.”
“Maybe things have changed?”
“Or maybe they haven’t, and I’m just the idiot who didn’t follow the rules.”
“So end it,” Max says.
I almost scoff. As if it was that simple.
Max gives me a wistful smile.
“I’ve been there,” he says after a little while.
I turn my head toward him.
“A friend. Unanswered crush. You know the drill.” He waves his palm in the air.
“What happened?”
“There comes a point where you have to choose if you’re going to pine for him forever or get over it and move on. I chose the second option. Best thing I ever did.” He shrugs, but he also avoids looking at me, his voice way too airy and light to sound even remotely believable.
Inside me, another hope shatters like somebody has thrown a rock at a pane of glass.
Shit.
28
Gray
Over the next few days, Kai grows distant. I’m not sure exactly what I expected when we got back from Toronto, but it certainly wasn’t me trying to chase Kai down and failing at every turn.
I’m unemployed. I have all the time in the world to sit him down and… do something. The details of what that something is still evade me.
Not that it matters right now because Kai also evades me. It’s as if he’s suddenly become an avid proponent of personal space, and by the looks of it, said space has to be far away from me.
I’ve hardly seen him all week. He sneaks out of the house at the crack of dawn, supposedly not to wake me, which is mighty considerate of him, and also completely unnecessary since it’s not like I have anywhere to be the whole day.
What hasn’t changed is the sex. We still have it. Every night, he climbs into my bed and we fuck each other’s brains out, but it’s as if he’s eliminated everything else that makes us… us. There’s a new distance between us. We’re pretty much having casual sex, and it has taught me something else in this journey of self-discovery I’m on: I fucking hate casual sex.
I’m not that guy. I’ve never been that guy. That’s the reason I don’t do one-night stands. I need the connection, and with Kai, I need more.
With Kai, I need everything.
So, we need to talk. Desperately. But of course it’s not that simple because Kai seems to want to do everything other than talking.
I’ve tried stopping by Kai’s workshop, but whenever I show up, he’s on his way out.
He tells me he has a lot going on. He needs to get his business going. He has orders to finish. He’s busy with work.
By Friday, I’m ready to scream in frustration. How has everything gone off the rails so quickly? And just when I was starting to figure things out. Unbelievable.
But I have hope today. Mon and Ivo are putting on a dinner to celebrate Ivo’s birthday. We’re supposed to be there at seven, end even though at this point I wouldn’t put it past Kai to call me and tell me to go on my own since something came up for him, if everything goes well, I’ll find the moment to talk even if I have to lock us in a room somewhere together.
Miracle of all miracles, Kai walks in the door a little after three o’clock. He gives me an exhausted-looking salute and says, “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stand up and stare at him, heart going thump-thump-thump in my chest.
He’s here.
He’s here.
He’s here!
“Hey,” I say once more, my voice dipping lower for some inexplicable reason. I sound like a dollar-store James Earl Jones.
“I’m just gonna grab a quick shower, and then I’m ready to head out,” Kai says as he walks past me.
I nod, unable