to that. I don’t know if I can take it right now if Cee and Gray have patched things up again.
He shakes his head. “Cee left a little after you did.”
I hate that I feel relieved at that.
Gray sits down next to me and leans forward, elbows on his knees. He rubs at the back of his neck.
“How was the rest of your date?” he asks after a while. He glances at me from the corner of his eye, and I can’t help but raise my brow at him. He lets out a strained chuckle and looks away.
“Fuck,” he says. “I’m sorry. I was a dick, and… there’s really no excuse.”
I consider him for a moment.
“Yeah, okay. But I still don’t understand what happened back at the restaurant.”
Gray stares at his fingers, tapping the pads together before he glances at me.
“Cee thinks I’m jealous,” he says, and his jaw clenches.
My heart skips at least five beats and then starts working overtime.
“Oh?” is the only brilliant reply I can come up with. I feel hot all over and sort of like my internal organs are making their way upward inside me.
“She might be right.” He refuses to meet my gaze, staring straight in front of himself.
He drags his hand through his hair and just sits there with his fingers clutching the back of his neck. I’m dying to slide my palm over his back. To comfort him somehow, but I don’t dare make a move. Something is happening inside Gray. Whatever Cee told him, a seed of something has been planted. A stupid sense of hope starts making its way forward inside me, even though I don’t want it.
This is not real.
What Gray feels is not real jealousy. It’s not something he feels because he wants to date me himself. He’s just jealous of the time I spend with Max instead of him. It’s a friend zone jealousy, and I need to get that through my thick skull.
“It makes sense,” I say.
Gray turns his gaze back to me.
“How, exactly?”
I shrug and hope to God I look nonchalant. “Look, we’ve been best friends for ages, and now that we’re living together, we’re practically in each other’s pocket all the time. It just makes sense for you to feel all weird when you happen to see me with a date. Jealousy doesn’t have to be in the romantic sense. If Max and I work out”—highly unlikely, but that’s not the point right now—“I’ll be spending a lot of time with him, and he’ll have a pretty big part to play in my life. It’s pretty natural for you to feel iffy about him. I’d be the same way if you went and got yourself a girlfriend.”
At least that last part is pure experience speaking. The green-eyed monster was having a field day when Cecilia and Gray started going out, and I didn’t even have to watch Cee and Gray get closer. Oh, no. I made good and sure that I was far away from the States during those first few lovey-dovey months when couples are glued together twenty-four seven.
Gray frowns as he listens to what I have to say.
“Sure,” he eventually says, but he doesn’t look like he’s happy with what he’s hearing.
God damnit! I’ve been so careful for years not to let my ill-advised crush ruin our friendship, so whatever Cee told him, this is not going to be our downfall. It would be the most sadistic prank from fate ever if our friendship would now be doomed not because of my crush but because Gray gets confused and starts avoiding me or gets so uncomfortable because of it that it’ll break us.
I can’t let that happen. Gray is the most important person in my life. This is not going to be something that’ll fuck us up.
“Maybe you should get back out there, too.” The words leave my mouth in a rush. Gray looks at me like I’ve just suggested he should spend the rest of his days as a male gigolo.
“I bet Mon has some friends we can introduce you to.”
I’m pimping out my best friend. Fantastic.
“Maybe set up a profile for you on a dating site?” I suggest.
“Or we can just go out to a bar,” I continue. “I can be your wingman.” As a proud driver of the crazy train, I’m all committed to moving this thing along.
Gray looks totally perplexed. “Why?”
So we could go back to the status quo, and I wouldn’t have to deal with that fucking